Shit That Comes Out Today: August 18, 2017

Want to know what I do while I’m bored at my day job? I write these intros while passively trying to terrify my coworkers with metal music videos I leave on my screen while pretending I’m working. It hasn’t landed me in HR yet so either I’m not trying hard enough or people think that I’ll sacrifice them to Satan if they tattle. Unsurprisingly, this would not be the first job where that has happened to me. Oh well, gotta make your own fun, I guess. But if you’re not having fun while reading this, then quit fucking around and check out this week’s new releases because metal, unlike work, IS fun.

Thy Art Is Murder
Dear Desolation (Nuclear Blast)
On a playlist with Whitechapel, Carnifex and Enterprise Earth
Listen: “Slaves Beyond Death”

Oh boy. Is it time for a new TAIM record already? I’d like to start this out by saying that I am indeed a fan of this band, unlike a certain few MetalSucks Editors-in-Chief. “Whore to a Chainsaw” is a deathcore classic and although I thought Hate was a great album — if a little repetitive — Holy War was terrible and “Coffin Dragger” was the only good part of a record that otherwise sounded like Hate‘s B-sides. I like both of the singles off Dear Desolation so far, but I’ll save my final judgment for when I can hear the album in full. It sounds like TAIM have done enough to distance themselves from repeating Hate for a third time while still retaining their signature brand of brutality this time around, and I hope that goes for the rest of the songs too.

Eluveitie
Evocation II – Pantheon (Nuclear Blast)
On a playlist with Korpiklaani, Finntroll and Epica
Listen: “Lvgvs”

Eluveitie are a band that I don’t dislike, but can’t listen to because a certain psychotic ex-girlfriend of mine ruined them for me. It’s cliche, I know, but nonetheless they’re a band that I just can’t listen to anymore. However, fans of folk metal are sure to love their latest outing, even if it’s an acoustic one. Normally I’d see metalheads shitting bricks over the words “acoustic album,” but folk and acoustic guitars go so well together that it works here. But if I had to tell you that then you’ve probably never heard a whole lot of folk music. In fact, you’ve probably never heard any at all.

Void Ritual
Heretical Wisdom (Tridroid Records)
On a playlist with Satyricon, Ulver and Sargeist
Listen: “A Mockery of Flesh & Bone”

In the likely event that you hate Thy Art Is Murder as much as Axl and Vince do but still want something extreme to listen to, then look no farther than Void Ritual’s Heretical Wisdom. At the time of this writing, the video for “A Mockery of Flesh & Bone” has only 117 views, an absolute travesty because this is some fucking killer black metal. But what’s even more impressive than the music is that the whole damn thing is a solo project. Based out of Albuquerque, NM, I would imagine that this is the black metal Walter White would listen to while cooking meth. You know, if Walter White listened to black metal.

KMFDM
Hell Yeah (earMusic)
On a playlist with Slick Idiot, Skold and PIG
Listen: “Murder My Heart”

Apparently Hell Yeah is German industrial/tech/whatever outfit KMFDM’s 20th studio album. TWENTY FUCKING ALBUMS. These guys are basically a light-mood Rammstein with synths instead of guitars, or maybe I just think that because both bands are German. Either way, the music here is the kind of stuff you would expect to hear at one of those cave raves in The Matrix Reloaded, but probably without naked Keanu Reeves. I would imagine that KMFDM have a massive appeal to cyber goths, too, but I’m not exactly in touch with goth culture so what the fuck would I know?

Necrolytic Goat Converter
Isolated Evolution (Ripple)
On the playlists of Slender Man, Freddy Krueger and Pinhead
Listen: “A Quiet Affirmation”

Toxic epidermal necrolysis is a disorder where your skin turns red with a scalded appearance and then falls the fuck off in large sheets. That’s right, in sheets. Sheets of skin. So when you apply necrolytic to goat converter I guess you get something that turns people into goats after all of their skin dies and falls off. That’s pretty metal if you ask me. As for the music? NGC are what I am going to refer to as sleepy black metal because of how quiet everything about the music is. I bet you could turn this shit up loud enough to break your headphones and you still wouldn’t be able to hear it. So if you have sleeping problems but are too kvlt for melatonin, check this band out.

OTHER SHIT THAT COMES OUT TODAY
Beneath – Ephemeris (Unique Leader) listen
Circus Maximus Havoc In Oslo (CD/DVD) (Frontiers) listen
Cloakroom Time Well (Relapse Records) listen
Cold Black Circles (Artery Recordings) listen
End Of Green Void Estate (Napalm) listen
Exoskelett Collected Bones (Hammerheart Records) listen
Fetid Zombie / Svierg Once Still Cosmos (Metalhit.com) listen
Funeralglade May The Funeral Begin (Inverse Records) listen
Gravetemple Impassable Fears (Svart Records) listen
Inferum Modern Massacre (Reject Entertainment) listen
Old Iron Lupus Metallorum (Good to Die Records) listen
Omnium Gatherum Stuck Here On Snakes Way (Vinyl) (Spinefarm) listen
Omnium Gatherum The Redshift (Vinyl) (Spinefarm) listen
Phylactery Necromancy Enthroned (Unspeakable Axe) listen
Quicksand Manic Compression (Vinyl) (SRCvinyl) listen
Rebel Wizard The Warning Of One EP (Prosthetic) listen
Reverorum Ib Malacht Ter Agios Numini (Ajna Offensive) listen
Sons Of Crom The Black Tower (Nordvis/Bindrune) listen
Tengger Cavalry Die On My Ride (Vinyl) (M-Theory Audio) listen
The Necromancers Servants Of The Salem Girl (Ripple) listen
Warning The Strength To Dream (Svart Records) listen
Warning Watching From A Distance (Svart Records) listen