Ask MetalGF: Covering Up Tattoos for My Girlfriend’s Family

Please send real questions to askmetalgf AT metalsucks DOT net. I’m here to help with advice on life, relationships, career… whatever! You can also follow me on Twitter.

Hey MetalGF,

I’ve been talking a lot and sometimes seeing this girl I’m totally into. I have no clue if she’s into me or not. We share the same taste in music, pets, drinks and basiclly most everyday things. We’re always friendly and laughing together. But I have no clue how to tell if she likes me in that way or not. Is there any way to figure this out by not just plain asking?

– Friendly and Laughing in Worcester

This relationship sounds promising, and some of the best romances start off as friendships. Laughing is great, isn’t it? I love it. If you can make a girl laugh, that is an extremely good sign. The part of the brain that registers humor and laughing is directly connected to the clitoris.

It sounds like you two have a really strong connection and have a good time together. My suspicion is that she is into this too and if she only thought of you as a friend, you would sense that by now. But of course, this is a delicate situation. I know you don’t want to “plain ask” but there is something to be said for just saying how you feel and seeing how she responds. I think honesty and kindness are at the base of any good relationship and, with this in mind, I think it would be a beautiful thing to say something such as, “I like you, I like being with you and I feel like we have something very special.” This might start a conversation that needs to be had about where you both see this going. She could respond, “I like you, too! I wasn’t sure if you felt the same,” and then you guys make out. OR she could respond, “I like you, too, but only as a friend,” and though it might be temporarily awkward, at least you know where you stand and hopefully you can go back to at least a strong friendship (maybe even stronger because the truth will set you free).

During the time you are working up the nerve to say something — I know it’s hard — you might want to test the waters. While you are sharing a laugh, softly touch her arm or shoulder. Does she bristle or lean in? When you hug goodnight after a fun evening, do you feel that physical connection? Are you two flirty with each other? How do your mutual friends perceive your relationship? Maybe you need to speak with an objective third party. Try to tap into your intuition a little and take your cues from her.

MetalGF,

I usually wear metal t-shirts, I have several tattoos and piercings, and I have no shame in who I am — that’s my identity! My girlfriend’s family is more traditional/conservative than mine, and she has asked me to wear long-sleeves and dress more “properly” when we go to visit her family. I feel like this would be a dishonest representation of who I am. Her family should accept me for who I am, but I also don’t want to put my girlfriend in an awkward spot. What should I do?

– Black t-shirted boy in Spokane, WA

This is a really thoughtful question and shows me that you both know who you are and that you care very much for your girlfriend.

Here is my advice: I think for the first and second meeting, you should let your sweet personality speak for itself without complicating it for her family, who sounds like they may be a bit more old fashioned. Why not wear long sleeves, a button down, a tie, whatever feels right in these early meetings, so they can learn to love you without confusing it for them. It is not unusual in any time or place to dress up a little for your possible future in-laws, as you would for certain jobs or a wedding or to enter a place of worship. It shows respect and it’s not selling out.

Then, once they have fallen hard and see what a great boyfriend and dude you are, you can whip out the old t-shirt, show off your beautiful body art and your piercings to your heart’s content. No family is going to turn against a man who is great to their gal, but maybe you just need to ease them in. By the time your tattoos come out, they will already see you clearly for the stand-up guy you are! Don’t show all your cards at once; take it slow, and as you build their trust and honor your girlfriend’s request, it will become more easy and natural to show your full and total self. They will love you and respect you all the more for it in the end.

Please send real questions to askmetalgf AT metalsucks DOT net. I’m here to help with advice on life, relationships, career… whatever! You can also follow me on Twitter.