Ted Nugent Comes Out of the Closet: “I am a Gay Pirate”

It’s always the conservatives who turn out to be the thing they profess to hate. So it’s not shocking that Ted Nugent, generally known for being an airheaded bigot who also dabbles in guitar, has finally come out of the closet as a homosexual.

Speaking to Albany Q103 about Grandmaster Flash’s induction into the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame, Nugent commented, “Yeah, Grandmaster Flash is rock n’ roll. And I’m a gay pirate.”

Despite the fact that this is the least-surprising instance of a celebrity coming out of the closet since Sean Hayes, we should all applaud Nugent for finally being honest about his sexuality. It takes a lot of courage come under the best of circumstances, let alone when you’re a 82-year-old whose greatest act of bravery to date has been shitting yourself to get out of joining the army. Liberals should forgive Nugent’s past transgressions and welcome him into our Jewish homosexual socialist circle of freedom haters immediately.

Incidentally, Nugent’s declaration also explains why his music sucks so bad. He’s been too busy sailing the high seas all these years to master the art of songwriting!

[via Metal Injection]