Shit That Comes Out Today: July 28, 2017

Since I’ve started my day job, I’ve been forced to adapt to a great many things I wasn’t used to, including waking up for work at 5:30 a.m., having a filter, and sitting at a cubicle for nine hours straight. I’ve handled those no problem, but the one thing I can’t get used to are the fuckheads who microwave fish for lunch in the break room. Make no mistake, I love fish. Salmon, tilapia, tuna, you name it and chances are I love it. But I am not the dude who brings said fish to work for the sole purpose of making the entire office smell like Boston’s gooch. You shouldn’t be that dude either, but you should be the dude who checks out all the awesome music (not you, Rings of Saturn) that drops today.

Rings Of Saturn
Ultu Ulla (Nuclear Blast)
On a playlist with Infant Annihilator, Aversion’s Crown and Thy Art Is Murder
Listen: “Inadequate”

Rings of Saturn are a glorious case of me hating a band, but said band being popular enough that I have to mention them anyway. I have never understood why people like this band. The recording half-speed thing is lame, sure, but that’s old news. I could look past it if the end result on the album were good music, but fuck, it just isn’t. Anything I hear from Rings of Saturn I can hear done better by literally any other technical-death-whatever band out there. I didn’t even like the new Decrepit Birth album that much and I’ll still blast that for years before I ever defile my ears with any sort of trash from Rings of Saturn. The name of this album is stupid and so is the music. If you ignore my advice and listen anyway, then don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Alice Cooper
Paranormal (earMUSIC)
On a playlist with Ozzy Osbourne, W.A.S.P. and Blue Öyster Cult
Listen: “Paranormal”

Unlike Rings of Saturn, the rest of the music I have lined up this week is pretty good. What really amazes me about Alice Cooper is that even forty fucking years after the guy started making music, the stuff he puts out is still better the vast majority of rock out there today. Sure, it might not be the best material he’s ever written, but let’s not pretend that Metallica have done anything worth writing home about lately either, even if their new album wasn’t even remotely close to the atrocity I thought it would be. At the end of the day, there’s no denying that Alice Cooper still makes good music. So next time you flip on the radio and hear a bunch of terrible songs, remember that Alice Cooper still cares about your ears.

Abhorrent Decimation
The Pardoner (Prosthetic Records)
On a playlist with Rivers of Nihil, Amon Amarth and The Black Dahlia Murder
Listen: “Conspire”

Even though these guys have a few breakdowny parts in their music, I wouldn’t call them deathcore. In fact, they call themselves death metal on their Facebook page, so we’ll go with that. Abhorrent Decimation offer an awesome blend of melodic riffing, tremolo picking, chugs and vocals that don’t grate your ears if you want to listen to the band for more than fifteen minutes. As far as I’m concerned, it’s an absolute travesty that these guys only have 6,000 followers on social media because these dudes definitely take the cake for my favorite album release this week. If you need more convincing that these guys are worth checking out, The Black Dahlia Murder’s Alan Cassidy follows them. That means you probably should too.

Byzantine
The Cicada Tree (Metal Blade)
On a playlist with Battlecross, God Forbid and Shadows Fall
Listen: “New Ways to Bear Witness”

This album gets a slot solely because the name of it is The Cicada Tree. I know there are some of you out there who don’t have to deal with these fuckers from hell, so let me just say cicadas make a sound that I can only assume toilet paper makes when it sizzles from touching Satan’s flaming hot asshole. And they make it for roughly 38 hours each day. Fortunately, however, Byzantine’s music is the exact opposite of the torturous cicada symphony, providing plenty of groovy, juicy riffs to bang your head to. And hey, if you’re like me and can hear cicadas screaming everywhere you go, you can turn this band up and you won’t hear them anymore! It’s definitely a cheaper solution than buying that flamethrower we all want.

Couch Slut
Contempt (Gilead Media)
On a playlist with Oxbow, Today is the Day and Insect Ark
Listen: “Funeral Dyke”

Again, the best way to end up as a featured album on STCOT, at least while I run it, is to have awesome/outlandish band and album names. With a name like Couch Slut, how could I possibly ignore this band? Couch Slut are certainly one of the more unique groups I’ve covered, not only on STCOT, but in my entire career here at MetalSucks. They have a melodic black metalish feel with a female vocalist who, from the sounds of it, records her shrieks while standing twenty feet away from her microphone. Are Couch Slut for everyone? Definitely not. But if you’re looking for a sound that isn’t cookie cutter kvlt, then check them out.

OTHER SHIT THAT COMES OUT TODAY
Afterbirth The Time Traveler’s Dilemma (Unique Leader) listen
Amenra Mass I (Vinyl) (Consouling Sounds) listen
Amenra Mass II (Vinyl) (Consouling Sounds) listen
Amenra Mass III (Vinyl) (Consouling Sounds) listen
Amenra Mass V (Vinyl) (Consouling Sounds) listen
Artillery Fear Of Tomorrow (Vinyl) (Wax Maniax) listen
Bullet For My Valentine Live From Brixton: Chapter Two (Search And Destroy) listen
Cage the Elephant Unpeeled (RCA) listen
Contrarian To Perceive Is To Suffer (Willowtip) listen
Dokken Tooth And Nail (Vinyl) (Friday Music) listen
Less Art Strangled Light (Gilead Media) listen
Loviatar Loviatar (Prosthetic) listen
Make Them Suffer Worlds Apart (Rise Records) listen
Master On The Seventh Day God Created… Master (Reissue) (Hammerheart Records) listen
Oceans Ate Alaska Hikari (Fearless) listen
Picturesque Back To Beautiful (Equal Vision) listen
Prong Zero Days (Steamhammer/SPV) listen
Rage Seasons Of The Black (Metalville/Nuclear Blast) listen
Rex Brown Smoke On This (eOne Music) listen
Shadowside Shades Of Humanity (EMP) listen
Shaman’s Harvest Red Hands Black Deeds (Mascot) listen
Spite Nothing Is Beautiful (Stay Sick Recordings) listen
Temple Of Void Lords Of Death (Shadow Kingdom) listen
The Black Dahlia Murder Nocturnal (Vinyl) (Black And Blue Split Vinyl) (Metal Blade) listen
The Midnight Ghost Train Cypress Ave. (Napalm) listen
Venomous Maximus No Warning (Shadow Kingdom) listen
W.A.S.P. W.A.S.P. (Picture Disc Vinyl) (Madfish) listen
Wolfheart Winterborn (Vinyl) (Spinefarm) listen