Shit That Comes Out Today: May 26th, 2017

If for any reason you need an introduction to who Alestorm are and what they’re about, then allow me to quote the first two lines of the chorus to their titular song: “Rum, beer, quests and mead/These are the things that a pirate needs.” This will be Alestorm’s fifth full-length album and by God when these guys call it quits, piracy is officially dead. Yeah, that’s right. Somali pirates, torrenting and Johnny Depp’s career are all done for once Alestorm are gone. Let’s just hope it’s not too soon because my metal drinking playlists aren’t very good without them.

Beartooth
Aggressive (Red Bull Records)
On a playlist with Bring Me The Horizon, Of Mice & Men and Attack Attack!
Listen: “Aggressive” (here) 

If you thought that the marketing ploy of “Hey, this is the new band from that guy who used to be in Attack Attack!” sucks, then you would be right! Although Beartooth are unquestionably better than Attack Attack!, that’s really not saying much. If you like generic metalcore and bland clean choruses, then you’ll absolutely love their new effort. Otherwise, file this away in the same place you put every other boring band that screams in the verse and sings in the chorus. Oh, and guys, the album is called Aggressive because the music is aggressive. I know that message was pretty vague and hidden.

Where do I even start with this…. the good, maybe? Sure, why not. The good things about this album are the cover art woman’s left boob and right boob covered in blood. The bad is pretty much everything else about it, especially Danzig himself. Although the riff on “Devil on Hwy 9” doesn’t start out that terribly, the second Danzig starts singing is the moment you’ll want to turn this off. Danzig has delivered a vocal performance with all the energy of a trip to the bathroom caused by opioid constipation, and although I haven’t listened to much of this album, it’s hard to imagine that there’s more to it than that.

Every once in a while I find a band that piques my interest simply because of their name or the title of their album. Growing up in Missouri, you can only imagine how many times I have used or heard the phrase “roadkill barbecue.” Nitrogods are a self-described “no-bullshit rock n’ roll band” and that would appear to fit them very well. Although you might think that these guys would come from somewhere in the South, they’re actually from Germany. Now imagine a bunch of German rednecks. It doesn’t really have much to do with the music, but you definitely just did it and I wasted your time.

Legionnaire
Dawn Of Genesis (Cruz Del Sur Music)
On a playlist with Dragonforce, Hammerlord and Blind Guardian
Listen: “Black Harbinger” (here)

Power metal album cover of the year goes to Legionnaire. I don’t care that it’s only May, this one wins. I mean, really, who couldn’t use a new band to reinvigorate yourself while you kill dudes on your white tiger? I know I could. Dawn Of Genesis is Legionnaire’s first entry on the metal scene and it’s a decent first effort into the fantasy land that is power metal. Legionnaire also continue the trend of Finland producing good bands, not that it needed to reaffirmed.