To Anyone Who Didn’t Have Fun Today

Hello Metalsucks Readers. By now you should know that I’m pretty drunk. It’s been a blast preparing all this content. I hope you all had fun. I understand that some readers are some dedicated motherfuckers that probably wanted to read about Metal all day. Sorry to disappoint anyone, I’ve been here breaking my neck to the new Ulcerate album(it’s really fucking good) pounding Tilquin Gueuze(you can’t afford it) all night, and I thought of a few things to remind some of the people who may be thinking I’m a complete fucking idiot.

1. I’m better than you
2. I’m richer than you
3. I’m tanner than you
4. Bombay = hawk
5. My dick is bigger
6. My nuts slap harder
7. I eat better than you
8. I fuck better than you
9. My hair is better
10. My face is prettier
11. My dick hangs lower
12. I fuck hotter pussy
13. I drive a better car
14. I’m better at sports
15. I’m more fit than you
16. My abs are tighter
17. My muscles are bigger
18. I travel more than you
19. I get the panties wetter
20. People know me
21. I’m funny
22. I’m polite
23. I’m the life of the party
24. Dudes want to be me
25. Chicks wanna fuck me
26. My clothes are more $
27. I have class
28. I have style
29. I see better shows
30. My office is bigger
31. I make more money
32. I spend more money
33. I crap bigger than you
34. I fuck louder than you
35. I’m never an underdog
36. I don’t ask questions
37. I take whatever I want
38. I drink top shelf
39. I wear more alligator
40. I spend without caring
41. My feet are prettier
42. My eyes are dreamier
43. I fuck more pussy
44. I see more Broadway
45. I fuck 10’s and up
46. My nuts hang lower
47. I’m more cultured
48. I slick my hair
49. My asshole is waxed
50. You’ll never be me