Here’s an Update on the Lords of Chaos Movie

When we last heard about a cinematic adaptation of Lords of Chaos, it was going to be directed by ex-Bathory drummer Jonas Åkerlund and star Rory Culkin (Scream 4, Signs) and Caleb Landry Jones (Antiviral, X-Men: First Class, The Last Exorcist). That was over a year ago — enough time for the film to have been shot, edited, and released — but the damn thing hasn’t even started filming yet.

Now Deadline reports that the flick has gotten new financiers and new cast members in the form of Emory Cohen (the romantic lead in last year’s Brooklyn), Jack Kilmer (son of Val, Nice Guys, etc.), and Sky Ferreira (who had a small role in Eli Roth’s The Green Inferno). Culkin is still involved, but Jones’ name isn’t mentioned in the article, which leads me to believe he’s dropped out of the project.

There’s no mention of who any of these people are actually playing, but I sincerely hope Cohen is cast as Varg Vikernes, because how angry would it make Varg to be portrayed by someone with the last name ‘Cohen’? My dream casting for Vikernes remains Matisyahu, but I’ll take what I can get.

Meanwhile, Ferreira is also a musician, so hopefully she’ll get to contribute a song to the soundtrack. I can think of no one more appropriate.

It also seems worth noting that all of these actors are American, which means this movie is going to employ a whole lot of dialect coaches.

According to Metal Injection, one of the film’s producers is calling the movie “Trainspotting for the millennial generation,” which leads me to believe he has never read or seen Trainspotting and isn’t entirely clear on what “millennial generation” means.

In addition to owning a church, Åkerlund has directed music videos for such artists as Metallica, Rammstein, Satyricon, and Beyoncé. His previous feature film credits include Spun, which is borderline unwatchable, and Horsemen, which is borderline unwatchable, and Small Apartments, which I haven’t seen, but is apparently borderline unwatchable.

So this should be a fun movie if it ever comes out! I still think that’s a big “if,” though — they’ve been trying to make this thing almost as long as there’s been a MetalSucks (at one point, Twilight star Jackson Rathbone was attached to play Vikernes). In the film business, they say “You’re not making a movie until the equipment trucks show up the first day” (and even then, history has proven that shit can go seriously awry). So we may still have another ten years of bitching about this before it gets produced. Hoo-ray for Hollywood.