Sciatic Repulsion: a Playlist for Metalheads with Bad Backs

Sunday morning, I had just finished eating breakfast and stood up when my lower back cried out in pain. I had no clue what was going on — one minute I was fine, the next I was in agony. Usually, when my back hurt, it was from sleeping in a weird position, standing too long, or not maintaining proper posture during leg days at the gym.

But I had plans to go tubing in Golden with friends, and I’d be damned if I was going to miss beer drinking while floating down a river because of a little backache. So I sucked it up, went to Golden, hopped in a tube, and sailed downstream, slamming my lower back into every rock along the way.

Cut to today, my third day on my back with a baggie of ice under me. Standing and sitting is an agonizing chore. My torso is taking a hard antalgic lean to the left; sometimes it gets better, but then I stand back up from the can and it has re-ruined itself. My poor girlfriend has had to make me meals and fetch me coffee. My couch smells like a poorly-cleaned snake aquarium. This fucking blows.

But at least I’m not alone, thanks to sweet Mother Internet. Turns out dozens of people I know suffer from severe back pain, and they all have helpful remedies. I thought spinal issues only befell people like Corey Taylor. Who knew that spinal trauma was so widespread and brutal? Apparently, everyone but me.

So for everyone out there who has ever been hobbled by some sciatica or has had to sleep on a hardwood floor to keep from waking up feeling like they’re dying, here’s a playlist of songs involving spines and the pains that can afflict them. Anything I left out? Throw down in the comments section. And remember: nothing eases back pain like a bong hit.