Black Ice Cream Will Ensure You Stay Cool Even When It’s Hot

As a metalhead, you are required to wear black at all times, and to constantly be surrounded by darkness, and to make sure everyone around you is constantly reminded of what a bleak, shitty place the world is. Not so much an issue when it comes to wardrobe or, thanks to Burger King, even choice of burger. But every summer, metal fans are faced with a dilemma: how the fuck do we enjoy ice cream when that product tends to come in a variety of bright, happy colors?

Metal Insider reports that Morgenstern’s Finest Ice Cream on New York’s Lower East Side finally has an answer: coconut ash ice cream, which is blacker than any Marduk song ever written.

The coconut ash, a by-product of coconut water, is said to have health benefits. But who gives a shit? Owner/creator Nick Morgenstern points out a far more useful reason to eat the ice cream (besides its deliciousness): “If it melts on your hands, it turns your hands black, it turns your mouth black. This is the full package. If you’re a goth and you wear black, it just melts on you!” That kinda makes it sound like if you don’t wear black, the ice cream will never melt, but I think we all understand what he meant.