The Scariest Metallica Rumor I’ve Ever Heard: Lars Was Almost The Frontman

Despite the fact that we constantly hate on Metallica drummer and inner city youth counselor Lars Ulrich here at MetalSucks, I don’t think any of us truly despise the dude. I wouldn’t wish him physical harm, certainly, and even though he’s a loudmouth with too much money I feel like we’d probably have a decent conversation if we ever met in person (so long as he didn’t find out who I write for).

Now, with that said, I would never, ever want Lars to front Metallica. Ever. Forget about whether or not his vocals would be decent–just think of what that would do to his already massive ego. Imagine if Lars Ulrich could yell, “I AM Metallica!” and there’d be some truth to that. I shudder to think.

But apparently, that idea was at one point entertained. According to Metal Hammer, Metallica’s former Jon “Jonny Z” Zazula once discussed the idea with Ulrich in 1982, when James Hetfield was getting nervous about performing in front of people:

“Lars and I planned a lot of stuff. But James wasn’t the most confident of singers. I don’t think he felt comfortable.

“At one point there was even talk of Lars becoming the frontman. For about five seconds.”

Dear God. Five seconds is five seconds too long.

Some might argue that Lars sort of is the frontman of Metallica, given that he’s maybe the most public face of the band, while others, especially those who hate Hetfield’s “YE-HAAAA!” might claim that Lars might have improved the band. And hey, they also almost fired the guy, so maybe this is just the universe  balancing things out.

But let’s be honest, when you imagine going back in time, convincing Lars to become frontman, and then returning to the future, you see yourself stepping out of a portal into a world razed by fire, with iron statues of Lord Ulrich dotting the horizon and the last remaining free-thinkers hunted to extinction by the New Danish Elite.

Here’s a video of Lars on vocals performing Diamond Head’s “Am I Evil.” Judge for yourselves, but I think history turned out just as it should have.