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On the third anniversary of Jeff Hanneman's death, I think of what I'd continue to abandon to have him back.

Things I Miss Less Than Jeff Hanneman

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  • Most of my tastebuds.
  • Bill Clinton’s presidency.
  • My childhood pets.
  • The first girl who would let me take off her pants.
  • Feeling in my left thigh.
  • Metallica with long hair.
  • Music blogs where you could download free albums.
  • The ability to get drunk anymore.
  • The ability to get high anymore.
  • The ability to eat anything spicy without the innate knowledge that I would later be burning a layer of skin off of my asshole.
  • The widespread worship of polytheistic religions.
  • Beth on The Walking Dead.
  • The respect of my friends, family, and coworkers.
  • Celtic Frost.
  • That brief period in college where I felt like an untouchable king of the world.
  • Having my better years in front of me rather than behind me.
  • Not having to pay taxes.
  • The Minor Arcana on Washington Street in Brooklyn.
  • Coney Island High.
  • Hospital Records.
  • The old Sonar.
  • Euronymous.
  • The way women used to look at me as a possible prospect for sex and/or a relationship rather than some sort of stubbled thumb of a man.
  • The Invisible Oranges radio show on East Village Radio.
  • My old job as an imagination assistant for a large publishing company.
  • Living in New York City.
  • Hollywood making original movies and not just creating new entries in previously-existing franchises.
  • Tim Burton movies that didn’t necessarily involve Johnny Depp.
  • Metalocalypse.
  • Mastodon playing metal.
  • The Eighties.
  • The Nineties.
  • Boglins.
  • Crystal Pepsi.
  • The Ghostbusters cartoon.
  • Natural Born Chaos-era Soilwork.
  • Ozzfest.
  • MTV playing actual music videos.
  • Vh1 playing actual music videos.
  • Bands making enough money by selling CDs that they could make music videos.
  • CDs.
  • Vinyl.
  • Music magazines like Metal Maniacs and Metal Edge.
  • Slayer pre-Repentless.
  • Slayer pre-Diabolus.
  • My first Slayer shirt with “The Sport Is War” written on the back.
  • My original copy of South of Heaven.
  • My life before it became beholden to this goddamn fucking blog.
  • My life.
  • My innocence.
  • My sweet, sweet ignorance of the world.
  • Being able to trick-or-treat.
  • Getting the Oriental Trading Company catalog in the mail.
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