God Damn, Do I Want This New Carcass Bottle Opener

I’m a sucker for metal merch, from the mass-produced to the limited-edition, but my favorite pieces of merch are always the ones that I really do not need. When someone puts out a cool hoodie, I think, “Okay, if my hoodies are all falling apart, then sure, I’ll buy that.” But when a band releases something utterly ostentatious or totally unnecessary, I just want it. I want the novelty and weirdness of it.

So even though I have two different band-themed bottle openers at the moment, and I can pretty easily open a beer bottle with a Bic lighter or desk edge, I really fucking want this new Carcass bottle opener. It’s shaped like the bonesaw from the cover of Surgical Steel, right down to the old-school Carcass logo branded on the side of the blade.

Is it stupid that I want this bottle opener? Very–it costs $20 before shipping and handling, and it ain’t like I’m rolling in sweet, sweet blog money. Am I everything wrong with the American economy? Absolutely. Am I going to buy it? Yeah, probably–if not now, then when I catch them with Crowbar and Ghoul this summer (dudes, definitely sell this on tour).

If you’re like me and cannot fucking wait to open a beer with a Carcass-themed bonesaw, then you can order yours here. We’ll give you a few moments to chew your nails and wonder if your kids really need to eat today.