Let The Metal Motivator Kick Your Life Into 666th Gear

Are you unhappier than usual? Do you have a hard time getting out of bed and putting on your spiked gauntlets in the morning? Do you ever look up from the still-beating heart of your enemy steaming in your hand and think, Is this really what I want to be doing with my life?

Then let C.J. Ortiz, AKA The Metal Motivator, help you take your life to a new level of confidence! That’s right, metal motivational speaking is no longer just a joke from that one episode of Metalocalypse, it’s an actual thing made by a person, and Ortiz is leading the way.

According to the profile on him in the Dallas Observer, Ortiz is a former minister who helps coordinate bands for venue Bronson Rock by day and then runs metal motivational meetings by night, with themes that include “How to Put Procrastination to Death,” “How to Think Positive All the Time” and “How to Make Every Day Kick Ass!”

Ortiz’s motivational strategy is, of course, some tough love:

“I’m not going to blow sunshine up your ass… I’m going to show you how you can maximize your resources. But I don’t know if you can, and I don’t think you should lie to yourself either. If you suck, you suck. Improve it. Don’t take it personally. Just improve it.”

Sounds cheesy, right? And it definitely is. But that said, Ortiz doesn’t come across as a dude wearing a black shirt who slapped the word ‘metal’ onto a project, he seems like he genuinely likes the music and culture. His regard for the ministry is pretty straightforward and hardcore:

“I dedicated so much of my time and energy to helping build another’s kingdom…But they never returned the favor.

“What metal did for me is what I’m doing for others… Metal wasn’t a destructive force in my life. It was the soundtrack of my life. It was defined. It was edgy. It knew what it wanted, and it was honest.

Look, the self-help industry is, in general, kind of a scam, one on par with religious institutions in many ways. That said, sometimes all you need is a strong voice and a relatable parable to pull yourself out of the muck of this crappy world, and if Ortiz helps at least one headbanger do that, than more power to him. Whatever helps, so long as it doesn’t instill a false sense of hope.

You can follow Ortiz and ingest his nuggets of wisdom at his Metal Motivation website. Watch his video on positive thinking below. Make today a metal day.