Dark Funeral = Poser/Hipster/Wannabe Metal

Since Axl and Vince have handed over the reins of MetalSucks, I feel that it is my duty, along with my new co-Editor-in-Chief Corey Taylor Swift, to bring REAL metal to the masses and to dispel the poison that was any of that false hipster crap Axl and Vince used to post.

From now on you’ll be hearing more about genre-pushing bands like Erra, Black Veil Brides and Five Finger Death Punch, bands that know how to write REAL music with REAL songs. And there will be less bullshit like this: Dark Funeral.

I mean, listen to the new Dark Funeral song “Where Shadows Forever Reign,” below. Who in their right mind listens to this and calls it “music”??? This is just pure crap. It’s noise. It’s some basement-dwelling teenagers who are pissed at their moms, popping their back acne, playing World of Warcraft and shoving Doritos down their throats all day, attempting to make something “edgy” and “heavy” and “cool.” It’s borderline unlistenable! And look at the band photo… who are these trying to impress?? Certainly not any girls, that’s who. These guys should really consider seeing a psychologist or something.

For anyone who cares, Where Shadows Forever Reign comes out June 3rd via Century Media.