Presenting the Heavy Metal Press Release Mad Lib

“If you’ve seen one press release for a metal band, you’ve seen them all!” sounds like something someone might say. It has, however, become increasingly true. I’m not blaming the publicists, by the way (what the fuck else can you really say in a statement about an upcoming album?); in fact, I wanted to help make the lives of these fine men and women with whom I work every day just a little bit easier.

To that end, I’ve created this fill-in-the-blanks press release for your convenience. I hope you find it helpful!

And here’s an example of a completed release, in case you’re a big dumb dummy and you can’t figure this shit out on your own: