We Can’t Figure Out What the Hell is Happening in Mushroomhead

It would seem that there’s some drama going on in the Mushroomhead camp right now. I say “it would seem” because, frankly, neither Vince nor myself can follow it. See, we’re not fans of the band (like you didn’t notice), and all of its members have nicknames like Skinny, Stitch, Shmotz, Schmuck, Stretch, Stinky, Stumpy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Slappy and Smucker. So the whole thing is really confusing to the casual observer, like if you tried to start watching Game of Thrones in season four and were suddenly asked to identify which character is Bran and which character is Bronn.

Still, given that vocalist Waylon Reavis left the band earlier this week, it’s not surprising to learn that something is going on behind-the-scenes. And according to the website Nu-Metal Messiah — yes, such a site exists — that something is this:

“In a nutshell – Shmotz (keyboards) was thrown out by Skinny, drummer and leader of Mushroomhead.

“Waylon (Reavis) was instructed not to make contact with Shmotz. Waylon was still talking to Shmotz.

“Stitch ratted Waylon out, telling Skinny that Waylon was still talking to Shmotz.

“Waylon was drunk and swung on him for being a ‘rat.’ He will never sing in Mushroomhead again.”

There was also allegedly a financial dispute, although I imagine that will be cleared up once the band’s accountant realizes he wrote a check for Stitch that was intended for Stretch and gave it to Skinny who passed it onto Shmotz by mistake. That sounds about right, yeah?

ANYWAY, I’m not really much of a believer in karma, but if I were, I’d take this opportunity to point out that these morons had it coming. Partially because of all the Confederate flag bullshit, but partially just for picking such similar names while wearing identical masks. Think these nimrods can even tell themselves apart???