If Dimebag Was Still Here
If Dimebag was still here, he’d be 49 today.
If Dimebag was still here, Zakk Wylde would still have that piano.
If Dimebag was still here, metal musicians might not feel panic every time some dude gets onstage and doesn’t immediately jump off.
If Dimebag was still here, Damageplan would have worked out the kinks in their sound and delivered an incredible sophomore record.
If Dimebag was still here, Crown Royal would’ve finally caved and made a special Black Tooth Grin edition, hailing Dime as a legend.
If Dimebag was still here, he’d probably sponsor a shit-ton of merchandise, and we’d likely chide him for it.
If Dimebag was still here, we could’ve read a hilarious yet endearing interview on what he thought about deathcore bands covering his music.
If Dimebag was still here, Reece Eber would be nothing more than a former death metal singer, as opposed to now, where he’s someone every metalhead should actively urinate on.
If Dimebag was still here, he would probably defend the use of the Confederate Flag.
If Dimebag was still here, there might have been a Pantera reunion.
If Dimebag was still here, he would’ve called Kevin Lyman an ass.
If Dimebag was still here, he might’ve played Mayhem Fest with Pantera, so maybe Lyman wouldn’t have even said those stupid things.
If Dimebag was still here, he’d probably be going a little grey, and he and Tom Araya could do a Metal Santa photo shoot together. Maybe they’d burn down the tree, or have a weed tree.
If Dimebag was still here, he would’ve bought the guys in Attila and Deafheaven Black Tooth Grins, even though he didn’t fully understand or love what they were doing.
If Dimebag was still here, there would probably be as many ill-advised Pantera tattoos as there are now, but fewer would be so sad.
If Dimebag was still here, I wouldn’t have spent the second semester of my sophomore year at college wondering what the fuck was wrong with the world.
If Dimebag was still here, his house would be eleven years’ more metal.
If Dimebag was still here, he would’ve performed a really heartbreaking tribute to Jeff Hanneman.
If Dimebag was still here, it would mean that Nathan Gale was either getting help or arrested. Or dead. I’m fine with any of those options.
If Dimebag was still here, there wouldn’t be any stupid depictions of him with wings and a halo.
If Dimebag was still here, he’d be a presidential nominee running for the Metal Party, and would keep pointing and laughing at Donald Trump and mumbling to everyone else, “You hearin’ this jackass?”
If Dimebag was still here, we probably wouldn’t write about him as much.
If Dimebag was still here, we’d be writing a normal birthday post for him.
But he’s not. And that sucks, and it’s a detriment to metal, and it crushes us every time we think about it.
But we can dream.
