Tumbler Of The Beast: Linie Aquavit
Tired of the same old well whiskey and plastic bottle brandy, but don’t want to feel like an asshole ordering some bullshit digestif like a hipster? Welcome to Tumbler Of The Beast, our guide to the most metal liquors on earth.
Liquor: Linie Aquavit
Country of origin: Norway
ABV: 41.5% (83 proof)
Musical accompaniment: Darkthrone, Kampfar, Tyr
Distilled from grain or potatoes and spiced with ingredients like caraway, aniseed, and sweet fennel, aquavit (or akavit, “water of life”) is a traditional Scandinavian liquor drunk during holidays and celebrations. It’s a nice drink, both sipped and shot with ease. But amongst aquavits one can find in the US, none are as metal as Linie. Not only is Linie boozy and full-flavored, but its history and processing method sounds like something straight out of a Viking legend.
The story goes that in 1805, a batch of aquavit was sent to Indonesia, where no one really wanted any. When it returned to Oslo, the liquor had a smoother, richer flavor than when it had left the shores of Norway. It’s believed that by crossing the Equator–or ‘Linje‘, line–twice and undergoing the changes in temperature, humidity, and movement caused by such a journey, the aquavit was instilled with its own unique taste. Now, every bottle of Linie undergoes the same voyage, from Oslo to Boston to Sydney to Singapore to Yokohama to Panama and back to Oslo. Scientists have attempted to recreate the journey in a lab, but the resulting aquavit just doesn’t taste as good. Every bottle is numbered, and you can go to the Linie website and use your bottle’s number to track its own journey, the conditions during its trip around the world, et cetera.
But that’s a long and nerdy-ass story to tell a bartender. What’s important is that Linie isn’t just the liquid equivalent of Ragnar Lothbrok, it’s that Linie is fucking delicious and it gets you nicely drunk. The caraway flavor on the front is a little bitter but deep and complex (like black metal!), while the spices do help keep one’s stomach settled (unlike black metal!). But Linie is also 83 proof, about a strong as a shot of Jack Daniels. Even if you are ordering a round of spiced after-dinner liquor for you and your metal buddies, you can still get truly ruined on it the way you can’t on, say, Fernet Branca.
Sadly, Linie is an import and therefore not cheap to buy in the US. However, what’s great is that not many people drink it and most bars that stock it don’t fully understand how good it is, so shots can be affordable. If you find a bottle of Linie behind the bar–look for the ship on the label–you can usually haggle your way to a relatively-cheap shot. I’ve definitely asked the bartender how much a shot of Linie will be, only to have them peer confusedly at the bottle, shrug, and say, “Five bucks?”
I’m unsure as to whether Norwegians actually care for Linie (Norse readers, feel free to let me know). But if you’ve exhausted yourself on whiskey and need a good alternative, or if you want to bring something unusual to a metal party, then Linie Aquavit is a great option. You’ll have your friends listening to folk metal and screaming “SKAL!” in no time.
