Saturday To Hunt Horses

April 18th, 2015 at 4:03pm
Kip Wingerschmidt

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says “Why the long face?” The horse replies: “My alcoholism is destroying my family.”

Chasing the dragon. Choking the chicken. Screwing the pooch. Punching the donkey.

How many more euphemisms involving animals can YOU think of?

As inspired by this week’s forthcoming release from Melbourne, Australia’s epically heavy doom band Horsehunter entitled Caged In Flesh (to be released this Tuesday 4/21 but you can now stream in full over at Noisey and pre-order via Magnetic Eye Records — who incidentally are also preparing a very cool Helmet tribute compilation to which my band Family will be contributing a track), I’d like to nominate “hunting the horse” as a new addition to our lexicon of phrases.

But what should it mean? I’ve got a few ideas, ranging from PG to X NC-17, although better yet why don’t you guys say hello to your little (or big) friends — by which I mean your bongzzz — and take a deep, stony listen to Caged In Flesh for some seriously powerful inspiration, then drop your suggestions in the comments section below.

Anything goes, especially since the UDSA’s ban on horse meat was lifted a few years ago. Who wants to open a niche restaurant? It’s a wide-open market… Sometimes I wish I had a horse with wings so I could catch our flying monkeys more easily when they misbehave around the MS Mansion! Which is, y’know, always.

Fun fact for all our non-talian readers: “horse” in the language of meatballs and marinara is cavallo. But Cavallo is also an awesome proggy post-rock band as well, and if you are in NYC today you can catch them at 5:30pm at ABC No Rio playing direct support to atmospheric metallers Rosetta….sorry for the short notice but you can make it — bring all your horses and ponies!!!!

Special thanks to the one-and-only Metal Mykee for suggesting half of the below songs…