Matty Mullins’ New Video is like The Verve’s “Bittersweet Symphony,” Only Sh*tty

Before we go any further, I’d just like to take a moment to acknowledge the abso-fuckin’-lutely incredible headline Sergeant D. conjured for his post on Stuff You Will Hate, where I first learned about Matty Mullins’ shitacular new video.

Bravo, sir. Bravo!

Now with that out of the way…

It might seem silly now, but in 1997, The Verve’s video for “Bitter Sweet Symphony” seemed both innovative and distinctive. Most of the really popular music videos up until that point had been shot on sound stages, and the ones that used actual locations were filmed in wide open spaces out in the middle of nowhere, so they didn’t have to pay to have any streets shut down or worry about blocking out anything or anyone they didn’t want in the shot (see: every Cavalera-era Sepultura video). Furthermore, the makers of these videos had also really started to take advantage of ADD-style editing. So this video that just had a dude walking down the street and bumping into people, and utilized a fairly simple visual style, really stood out from the pack. (Of course, it didn’t hurt that the song is st00pid catchy.)

I thought of The Verve’s clip when I saw Mullins’ latest video for vomit-inducing, mid-day-PVC-bargain-deal of a song. It is the anti-“Bitter Sweet Symphony.” Every decision made during the creation of this video was wrong. For one thing, as Sergeant D. so eloquently pointed out, it’s boring as fuck to just watch Mullins walk down the road for four minutes. For another thing, having him surrounded by trees and sunlight and all that shit makes for a horrible contrast with the artificiality of the music, which is so head-to-toe fake it sounds like pop music from a future where Skynet has eradicated the human race. And for another another thing, Mullins’ constant, distracting hand gestures suggest he’s watched too many boy band videos. It lends a real Jack Donaghy-level of authenticity to his performance.

So that was uplifting. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go out and eat as much strange mucus and feces off the street as I can so that hopefully I get ebola.