Finally, We Know Why Vince Neil is Such An Assh*le

So Mötley Crüe’s Vince Neil is gonna be on this stupid television show called The Haunting Of on which stupid celebrities and a stupid psychic deal with ghosts (or something like that — honestly, who gives a fuck?). And according to Blabbermouth, in Neil’s episode, the vocalist “returns to the home where he last came in contact with the spirit of his 4-year-old daughter,” and then apparently the stupid psychic “discovers Vince is being followed by a dark energy that has been causing devastating consequences in his life.” 

This is great news, and not just because it proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there is an afterlife. No no no, the real reason it’s great news is because it means that Vince Neil is absolutely 100% not responsible for any of his dickish behavior over the course of the last three decades. It’s not his fault Razzle was killed and two people were seriously injured when Vince was driving drunk — the dark energy did it! It’s not his fault that he learned nothing from that incident and continues to drive drunk whenever the fuck he wants — the dark energy did it! It’s not his fault he treats his underlings like shit — the dark energy did it! It’s not his fault that he’s a fat fuck who gets winded just strolling from one side of the stage to another — the dark energy did it!!!

Of course, the question now is, “What should Vince do about this dark energy?” Can we hold an exorcism or something? Does one of Frankie Palmeri’s video game deities have the power to make it stop? What if we just get Vince a drink? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET THE MAN A DRINK?!?!

http://youtu.be/UN85EPq7t1k