The 66.6 Most Metal Movie Scenes of All Time: #9 through #5
On June 9th, independent heavy metal book publisher Bazillion Points will release Heavy Metal Movies, the ultimate guidebook to the complete molten musical cinema experience that features lavish illustrations and more than 666 of the most metallic movie moments of all time.
To celebrate, we’ve partnered with the book’s author, Mike “McBeardo” McPadden, to count down the 66.6 most metal movie scenes of all time right here on MetalSucks! Every other day through the book’s release on June 9th we’ll be revealing Mike’s picks along with brief write-ups penned by the author himself.
We’re in the final stretch! Count down with us today as we cover #9 through #5.
9. Conan the Barbarian (1982)
• Conan on what is best in life: “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.”
Arnold. Crom. Thulsa Doom. Valeria. The Riddle of Steel. The giant snake. The cannibal cult. The Tree of Woe. The list thunders on. Assigning “most metal” status to any one of Conan the Barbarian’s supremely headbanging cavalcade of ingredients is like punching a camel or biting out the throat of a vulture—it’s ugly, but your slather on the war-paint and have at it. Thus, the crown goes to Conan’s declaration of what makes life—the living of his own and the taking of everyone else’s—so gorily glorious.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hikLjcwFdD8
8. The Song Remains the Same (1977)
• Jimmy Page violin-bows his guitar.
Mesmerizing Madison Square Garden on Zep’s 1973 tour, master guitar magus Jimmy Page extends the group’s epic expansion of “Dazed and Confused” into a sonic mash-up of heavy metal and symphonic mastery by way of a fleetly fingered violin bow. From Aleister Crowley’s castle on Loch Ness to a million midnight movie screenings and bong-smoke-clouded home video viewings ever since, Page’s cross-pollination of heavy music’s mightiest delivery system continues to bewitch, bedevil, and inspire.
7. Wayne’s World (1992)
• Wayne and Garth to Alice Cooper: “We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!”
After Bill and Ted and just before Beavis and Butt-head, Wayne (Mike Myers) and Garth (Dana Carvey) nobly and nimbly represented teenage headbanger happiness in popular consciousness. Wayne’s World, the big-screen spinoff of the Saturday Night Live sketch that established the duo, perfectly mixes heavy and sweet, and never more so than when our heroes meet their hero backstage after a concert in Milwaukee. After Alice fascinates the boys with a bizarre, on-the-spot education about the famous Wisconsin city, Wayne and Garth fall to their knees and bow repeatedly in worship. We’ve all been there.
6. Heavy Metal (1981)
• Laser dragons invade to “Mob Rules” by Black Sabbath.
Heavy Metal, the movie, brings to appropriately lurid life the wicked cool, cosmically carnal pages of the adults-only sci-fi magazine of the same name, which, in turn, was adapted from a French publication titled Metal Hurlant(awesome translation: “Screaming Metal!”).
Anyone who’s seen the movie—and/or South Park’s perfect 2008 parody episode, “Major Boobage”—primarily remembers the epic cartoon’s eye-poppingly top-heavy maidens, but there’s more to Heavy Metal than just meets the busted-open breastplate.
One such glorious explosion of hard rock bliss occurs when mutant barbarians invade an unsuspecting city to the rampaging strains of “Mob Rules” by Dio-era Black Sabbath. The raiders storm the skies atop laser-shooting dragons and run bloody through crowded streets with fists, rocks, and ray guns, perfectly accompanied by Tony Iommi’s punk-infused riff charges and Ronnie James’ soaring vocal warnings about what happens when dealing with fools. Screaming metal, indeed.
5. Metallica: Some Kind of Monster (2003)
• Torben Ulrich assesses son Lars’ latest recorded drum work: “Delete that!”
By 2003, Metallica devotees of a certain vintage had suffered prodigiously at the band’s few free hands that weren’t counting money.
What started with haircuts and Lollapalooza escalated with Load/Re-Load and culminated with the group thinking they’d look cool by suing their own fans. Then came the documentary Metallica: Some Kind of Monster and these fallen heroes—well, two of them at least—were proven to be even more pampered, narcissistic, and cruelly oblivious then anyone imagined.
Let’s give a couple of devils their due, though. First, Metallica allowed the movie to be released, warts and their group therapist’s Cosby sweaters and all. Second, no one comes off worse that drummer Lars Ulrich and Some Kind of Monster allows us in on how he got to be so… monstrous.
Torben Ulrich, Lars’s very Middle Earth-looking dad, is a European tennis legend and world-class jazz aficionado. He’s also clearly a nightmare to have as a father, clearly indicating that he doesn’t think Metallica is anything special and that, in particular, his own progeny’s contribution is worthless. For a few seconds, Lars goes on camera from being rock’s most arrogant a-hole to one understandably sorry son-of-a-bitch.
Catch up on the rest of the countdown here:
#66.6 through #60
#59 through #50
#49 through #40
#39 through #30
#29 through #20
#19 through #15
#14 through #10
