…The Hell?

Are you in an unknown band looking to get signed? Tired of working hard, gigging as much as possible, endlessly networking with record industry employees, and trying to get the attention of dumb media outlets like MetalSucks who simply refuse to recognize your brilliance? Well… have you tried kidnapping the head of a venerable metal label and holding him hostage until he signs you? ‘Cause that’s what the UK’s The Hell did with Prosthetic Records co-owner E.J. Johantgen, and it apparently worked:

Okay okay okay, so The Hell didn’t REALLY take Johantgen hostage (probably) to get signed. But I appreciate the band’s sense of humor — their Facebook page is littered with images like these…

…and hilarious movie spoilers like these (which I especially appreciate, ’cause one of you just bitched me out via e-mail for including an alleged Game of Thrones spoiler in this article about Baptists):

Of course, the fact that the band has an astringent, gloriously obnoxious sense of humor wouldn’t mean much if their music wasn’t good — but their music is good. Like, REALLY good. And unique. I guess technically they’re a hardcore band, kind of in the vein of their Prosthetic labelmates/other MetalSucks faves, Primitive Weapons, except their music sounds like it’s being made with rubber bands possessed by Satan. The closest sonic kinsman I can think of would be the now-defunct The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza; it’s got that same sort of massive, brass knuckled, this-one-goes-to-eleven-and-not-any-lower feel to it.

You can check out some of The Hell’s music below. The band’s Prosthetic debut will be out in July. I’m really excited to hear it. In the meantime, Euros can check out the band at either London’s Camden Rocks Festival on May 31, or at this year’s Sonisphere Festival, which takes place from July 4-6 at Knebworth Park.