Mick Mars Fantasy Casts Himself for The Dirt Movie

In a new interview with VH1 Older Than Dirt’s  On Tap with Nik Carter, Mötley Crüe guitarist Mick Mars reveals that he wants Gary Oldman to play him in Jackass director Jeff Tremaine’s upcoming cinematic adaptation of The Dirt. Which is a certainly an interesting choice! Let’s examine the pros and cons of Mr. Mars’ selection, shall we?

Oldman is seven years younger than Mars, although that’s not really an issue; nor is the fact that Mars was only thirty upon the release of The Crüe’s debut album, Too Fast for Love, ’cause right now there are dudes in their thirties playing high schoolers on television, so whatever. Oldman and Mars are the same height (5’9″), so that works out. More of an issue could be that Oldman played Sex Pistols bassist Sid Vicious in 1986’s Sid and Nancy, and he could feel that playing another debaucherous rock star is just repeating himself. Then again, Oldman has played like eighteen trillion villains and did three Batman movies, so given the right per$ua$ion, he’s obviously open to, ahem, further exploring certain characters or type of characters.

The most obvious impediment to making Mars’ dream come true, then, is the fact that, as you have most surely noticed, Oldman and Mars are different races. Oldman, of course, is caucasian, while Mars is goblin. And Hollywood is certainly a progressive town, but have you seen how upset people are that a black dude is gonna be a member of The Fantastic Four? I can only imagine changing Mars’ race for the film version of The Dirt would cause Crüe fans to riot in the streets.

There is currently no scheduled release date or even a date for start of production on The Dirt, so it may be awhile before we know whether or not Mick gets his wish. (Spoiler alert: he will not get is wish.)