Malevolent Creation: “We Have Fired Our Gay Drummer”

The class acts in Malevolent Creation have released the following statement via their Facebook page:

Now, I know what you’re thinking: anyone intelligent enough to compose this message MUST be telling the absolute truth, right? There’s no way it’s just an attempt to save face after Rios released the following statement to Sick Drummer several hours prior:

“After several years, I have decided to part ways permanently with Malevolent Creation. The simple reason is personal differences. I appreciate all of the people I’ve worked with during my time with the band and want to thank all of them – I’m sure we’ll work together again in the future with another band. Most of all, I would like to thank all of the fans who have supported the band! I’m sure you will continue to support.

“This opens me up for bands in need of a touring and/or recording drummer, as well as a full-time position if the situation is right. I can be reached on my facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/riosgus.”

Now, of course, there’s no way that Rios could have quit and been fired… but I think it’s pretty clear who’s telling the truth here. After all, the members of Malevolent Creation have a reputation for being honest gentlemen of the highest order. Also, obviously, anyone telling the truth and not just scrambling to make sure they look like the dumpers and not dumpees would clearly withhold the identity of their new “very famous drummer,” because, really, why gloat? The dudes in Malevolent Creation have been winners, and the dudes in Malevolent Creation are gonna stay winners, because winners always win. I hope they’re celebrating their most recent victory with a round of free chocolate milk!!!

Thanks: John B.