Five Finger Death Punch Have Done Terrible Things to The Animals

I had no idea that Five Finger Death Punch had covered the classic “House of the Rising Sun” (99.9% of the world knows it because of the version by The Animals — but they didn’t write it) until an anonymous reader sent me a link to the band’s announcement that the track is their new single. It’s a song about a bordello in New Orleans, so, of course, the single art features the band standing in the middle of the desert  in full military regalia holding really big machine guns.

This is the kind of song you’d think it was more or less impossible to fuck up, the kind of song that kids who just got their first guitar can play. And yet, Five Finger Death Punch have made a way to make it borderline unlistenable. Every decision they made — from the yarling to the frat rock guitars to the mysterious choice to change the house’s location from New Orleans to Las Vegas (excuse me — “Sin City”) — was the wrong one. This band can’t even be good by accident.

FFDP’s label has done a good job keeping the track off of YouTube, so you’re all in luck — I can’t post it here. But it’s on Spotify if you feel like torturing yourself. Otherwise… there’s always this.