In Which We Found Out What the Insides of Our Throats Look Like

WORST WEEK EVER PLAYLIST, January 13 – January 17, 2014

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And now, this week’s top stories:

• A fan murdered a black metal vocalist for allegedly being a false Satanist.
• The Simpsons apologized for calling Judas Priest “death metal” in the best way possible.
• Hot tour rumor: Slayer to hit the road with Suicidal Tendencies and Exodus?
• Hot tour not-a-rumor: MetalSucks presents The Ocean, Scale the Summit, The Atlas Moth and Silver Snakes!
• The nu-metal revival apocalypse overtook over Metal Hammer magazine.
• Vital Remains vocalist Brian Werner campaigned to have a giant Baphomet statue erected at the Oklahoma State Capital.
• We learned what the inside of Matt Heafy’s throat looks like when he screams and sings.
• Testament lost a bassist, re-gained a bassist.
• We tried to figure out who the hell just bought Metallica’s Black Album last week.
• We signed up for Date Edge, the only online dating site for straight edge people!

MetalSucks will be closed Monday in observance of Martin Luther King Day, but we return Tuesday with more premieres, more interviews, more snark, more everything. See ya then!