This Year’s Nominees for the B.S. Grammy Award for “Best Metal Performance” Are…

And the nominees for this year’s Best Metal Performance Grammy are…

• The Black Dahlia Murder – “Raped in Hatred by Vines of Thorns”
• Carcass – “Thrasher’s Abbatoir”
• Gorguts –  “Absconders”
• Nails –  “Wide Open Wound”
• Revocation –  “Invidious”

JUST KIDDING!!! If you even thought for a split second that those were real, kindly go knock your head into the wall, you are an idiot. These awards are selected by old men, Carcass and The Black Dahlia Murder ain’t gettin’ nominated anytime soon. Just be grateful that Mumford and Sons didn’t make the cut.

Here are the actual nominees:

• Anthrax – “T.N.T.” (AC/DC cover)
• Black Sabbath – “God Is Dead?“
• Dream Theater – “The Enemy Inside“
• Killswitch Engage – “In Due Time“
• Volbeat – “Room 24” (feat. King Diamond)

I imagine Black Sabbath more or less has this on lock, but who knows. Last year Halestorm won, I presume because they were the most melodious of the bunch, so maybe Volbeat will get it this year?

Whatever, who cares, I’ve already spent too much time on this post. The awards will take place on January 26 in Los Angeles. Here are some other categories which may interest you, courtesy of The PRP:

Best Rock Performance

• Alabama Shakes – “Always Alright“
• David Bowie – “The Stars (Are Out Tonight)“
• Imagine Dragons – “Radioactive“
• Led Zeppelin – “Kashmir” (live from “Celebration Day“)
• Queens Of The Stone Age – “My God Is The Sun“
• Jack White – “I’m Shakin’“

Best Rock Song

• Gary Clark Jr. – “Ain’t Messin ‘Round“
• Dave Grohl, Paul McCartney, Krist Novoselic & Pat Smear – “Cut Me Some Slack“
• Rolling Stones – “Doom And Gloom“
• Black Sabbath – “God Is Dead?“
• Muse – “Panic Station“

Best Rock Album

• Black Sabbath – “13“
• David Bowie – “The Next Day“
• Kings Of Leon – “Mechanical Bull“
• Led Zeppelin – “Celebration Day“
• Queens Of The Stone Age – “…Like Clockwork“
• Neil Young With Crazy Hose – “Psychedelic Pill“

Best Alternative Music Album

• Neko Case – “The Worse Things Get, The Harder I Fight, The Harder I Fight, The More I Love You“
• The National – “Trouble Will Find Me“
• Nine Inch Nails – “Hesitation Marks“
• Tame Impala – “Lonerism“
• Vampire Weekend – “Modern Vampires Of The City“

Best Surround Album

• Paul McCartney – “Live Kisses“
• Primus – “Sailing The Seas Of Cheese” (Deluxe Edition)
• Various Artists – “Signature Sound Opus One“
• Jane Ira Bloom – “Sixteen Sunsets“
• Richard Scerbo & Inscape – “Sprung Rhythm“

Best Recording Package

• Geneseo – “Automatic Music Can Be Fun“
• Reckless Kelly – “Long Night Moon“
• Jay-Z – “Magna Carta…Holy Grail“
• Metallica – “Through The Never (Music From The Motion Picture)“
• David Bowie – “The Next Day“

Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical

• Pistol Annies – “Annie Up“
• Madeleine Peyroux – “The Blue Room“
• Alice In Chains – “The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here“
• Queens Of The Stone Age – “…Like Clockwork“
• Andrew Duhon – “The Moorings“
• Daft Punk – “Random Access Memories“