Bukk*ke Battle: Lake Bukk*ke Versus… Lake Bukk*ke? (NSFW)

The saga of legendary New York porno grind band Lake Bukkake — still probably the single best live band Vince or myself have witnessed — has taken a turn for the very strange indeed.

See, recently, readers tipped us off to the release of this Lake Bukkake EP which is now up on Bandcamp:

A new Lake Bukkake EP would be a VERY big deal, since the band hasn’t released anything since 1999′s I Left My Heart in Lake Bukkake (they’ve been rumored to be working on a follow-up, which may or may not be entitled Chinese Bukkakacy, for years now). So it was obviously with great excitement that Vince and I sat down to listen to this thing.

Alas, within seconds of the music beginning, we knew it wasn’t Lake Bukkake — at least, not the Lake Bukkake. The music on this EP is serviceable-enough porno grind, sure, but anyone who’s ever heard previous LB releases such as Heart, Shut Up it’s Good for Your Complexion, Load Warriors, or the band’s legendary Mm, Salty! demo will recognize that it lacks the sheer off-the-rails abandonment of the real Lake Bukkake. That band has always sounded truly disturbing and unhinged; if someone told you they recorded their music in a cave and then raped and ate the engineer, you’d totally buy it.

MetalSucks has subsequently reached out to Lake Bukkake drummer Beatdik about these impersonators. Beatdik responded:

“We’d never take legal action because legal action is for feeble-minded virgins who can’t handle their own fucking shit. Honestly, if these idiots wanna pretend to be us, whatever. It’s not like being us is so awesome. I’m the last white guy still working at a porno shop in Times Square. Last night I mopped up so much jizz from our peep booths that my mop got pregnant. If these guys wanna be me, they’re welcome to it.

“Still, yeah, clearly these people (or person) are (is a) real jerks. I don’t wanna call them cum stains because cum stains are a source of pride… they say ‘I was here, and I had a good time!’ So maybe we can just refer to them as ‘Lack of Cum Stains’ and leave it at that.”

We then asked Beatdik if there was any progress on a real new offering from Lake Bukkake. As of this writing, we still haven’t received a response. We will, of course, keep you updated.