This Weekend: See You At Heavy MTL, Canada’s America-Sized, Girl-Packed Metal Fest

Tuesday it was announced that all 75,000 tickets to next year’s Wacken Open Air fest in Chermany have already sold out. Yep, four days after not-reunited Emperor was confirmed as a 2014 headliner, a day after this year’s WOA event made headlines for hosting Motorhead’s maybe-final performance, and less than 48 hours after tickets went on sale for the metal mega-fest which takes place one entire revolution around the Sun from now — each admission is spoken for. (Some may go unclaimed so don’t freak yet.) But wow!

It makes me even more pumped to be up at Heavy MTL in Montreal this weekend! That’s in Canada! Just like fancy Euro fests, its headliners are big sellers, its site is a magical wonderland, and it’s a few hours’ drive from major cities (Boston, NYC, Toronto). But unlike WOA and its ilk, Heavy MTL is more America-sized; that is, our heavier work schedules afford fewer of us the energy and/or the vacation days and/or the funds to party full bonerz for three 14-hour days. Nay, Heavy MTL is a merciful two-day banger. (Heck, by the third day, even metal is nauseating.)

Check this out too: Heavy MTL is staged at a park (on an island!) a few minutes from lodging. But dude, who needs a hotel when that park has its own beach. (YESS!!!!!) Think about that: Our wild rockings at Mastodon, Steel Panther, Wintersun, and Pallbearer will be punctuated by sandy cat-naps at le beach de Parc Jean-Drapeau. Relaxing beach hangs will help us manage the inevitable frustration of double-bookings, too: Do we pass on Gwar for Havok? Shall we bail on Danzig for All Shall Perish? Is there a way to simultaneously lol at Oceano and Black Label Society?

And despite our first impulse, we shan’t begrudge Heavy MTL its headliner muscle. Here’s why: In North America, a fest bill packed with underground acts would ensure a gross mass of sweaty male concertgoers. But Rob Zombie and Avenged Sevenfold? Motionless in White and A Day to Remember? Our bonerz will be just fine! See you all there!