The New Battle Beast Album Art is Pretty Much the Best Thing Ever

Today’s Crystal Viper Award for Album Covers So Metal That They Shall Someday Oxidize goes to Claudio Bergamin’s work for the new, self-titled release from Battle Beast, a band I’d like to think chose their name as an homage to one my favorite toy lines of the 1980s (okay okay so it was really just a glorified version of “Rock, Paper, Scissor”). Let’s discuss this album art for a moment, shall we?

Now, obviously, having armored manticores fight Cylons is an awesome concept for a record cover, and I like the way that the sun is shining from the same direction in which the victorious Lion Man is impaling his foe — it’s obviously got a very “light at the end of the tunnel” vibe about it, and let’s be real, if Cylons ever were to fight manticores, we would all be rooting for the manticores, so to associate them with good makes perfect sense.

But I also really appreciate that Lioness Lady has huge tits, and is wearing armor which still exposes the better part of her ass. For you thing, you absolutely do not need to protect your ass in battle, as harming someone’s rear is clearly forbidden by the rules of warfare as set forth by The Geneva Convention. And for another thing, as a sexless metal fan, I’m really drawn to this piece of art because I know I can use it for wank material.

Of course, like sexless metal fans, what I really love is barely-latent homoeroticism. Which is why I applaud the artist’s decision to a) have Lioness Lady holding her sword in such a manner as to suggest a giant erect cock, and b) put the Lion Man, who is totally jacked and also basically naked despite the fact that he’s in the middle of a battle (maybe the Cylons caught him off-guard, while he was bathing or something?), in the foreground. That way, if my mom comes into the room while I’m choking Kojak, she’ll think I was aroused by the Lady Lioness, and I can go back to listening to Manowar without her sending me to Bible camp again.

You can battle your beast while holding the art for Battle Beast’s Battle Beast when Nuclear Beast releases the album on May 17.

[via Metal Underground]