#14: Chance Garnette (Skeletonwitch)

March 20th, 2013 at 5:00pm
Vince Neilstein
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MetalSucks recently polled its staff to determine who are The Top 25 Modern Metal Frontmen, and after an incredible amount of arguing, name calling, and physical violence, we have finalized that list! Writers were asked to consider vocal ability, lyrics, and live presence when casting their votes; the only requirements to be eligible for the list were that the musician in question had to a) play metal (duh), b) be a frontman or woman (double-duh), and c) have recorded something AND performed live in the past five years. Today we continue our countdown with Skeletonwitch’s Chance Garnette…

Apparently there are an incredible abundance of YouTube instructional videos on how to eat pussy. I know this not because I’m trying to learn how to munch the rug — MetalGF tells me I’m quite good at it, thanks! — but because I thought it’d be appropriate to post a supercut video of Skeletonwitch’s Chance Garnette screaming “Eat some fucking pussy!” over and over and over again along with this writeup. Metal’s most famous muff diver is the #14 Best Modern Metal Frontman, and it’s not just because he’s got an MA in Cunnilingus Studies.

Side note: why isn’t there a supercut video consisting of all available live clips of Chance Garnette saying “Eat some fucking pussy!” and all weed/beer variants thereof? Someone should get on top of that. An “Owwwwwww-ah!” supercut would be just as amusing.

Anyway, like many of the vocalists on this list, Garnette is one of those guys you just can’t pull your eyes away from when his band performs live; he’s a pure frontman, the undeniable focal point of any Skeletonwitch live show. He’s the leader of the Skeletonwitch orchestra, waving his spike-banded arms about like a possessed, manic conductor, directing satan’s orchestra of heathen beer drinkers, weed smokers and pussy eaters. He’s get primo vocal pipes, capable of anything from high-pitched black metal shrieks to bowel-inducing death metal growls, all with a clear diction rarely found amongst metal vocalists. And he’s a constant comedian who constantly has everyone around him in stitches — even in regular social situations — as we learned several years back on the set of the “Repulsive Salvation” video shoot.

There is only one Chance Garnette, often imitated, never duplicated… except by this 6-year old girl.

Drink beer, smoke weed, eat pussy!