Brilliant Lyricist Bret Michaels Speaks Out for Puppies and Kitties Who Cannot Speak for Themselves

I think it’s a fairly reasonable assumption that ninety-nine out of a hundred Poison fans do not actually consider what Bret Michaels is saying at any given moment. Take, for example, his most famous chorus, from “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”:

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song

I love that song as much as anybody, but holy crap, those lyrics really don’t make much sense. First of all, night having its dawn is most certainly not like every rose having a thorn. The idea behind every rose having the potential to hurt you is fairly simple — even beautiful things have their drawbacks — but it’s not at all common for people who aren’t vampires to see the dawn as a drawback. In fact, a fairly common expression is “It’s always darkest before the dawn” — meaning that sunlight is, y’know, a good thing.

And on top of that, I’m not sure that every cowboy does sing a sad, sad song. And even if we assume this is true, I’m not convinced that the simile works any better than the whole night/dawn thing. I mean, it’s not as though the Clint Eastwoods and John Waynes of the world were ever exactly known for being happy-go-lucky — that’s just not the image that the word “cowboy” projects. (I suppose there are exceptions, like Tex Ritter, but right now, many of you are Googling “Tex Ritter” and none of you are Googling “Clint Eastwood” or “John Wayne,” so, uh, yeah.) I mean, Clint Eastwood’s idea of hilarious is to speak to an empty chair as though someone were sitting in it. The contrast between beauty and sadness just isn’t strong enough to make the comparison work.

I’m babbling about this at great length because of Michaels’ new commercial for Pet Smart, which immediately begins with a ridiculous rhyme that immediately calls to mind the “Thorn” idiocy:

http://youtu.be/HHafUaTr2_I

Speaking as someone who likes his dog more than he likes most human beings, I think that, in theory, this is a positive message for Michaels to send to fans. That being said, it would be more positive if his lyrics weren’t so silly… and if he didn’t have a financial stake in Pet Smart doing well (or, to use a too-appropriate metaphor, if he didn’t have a dog in this fight).

Am I being too harsh again? I might be being too harsh again.

[via Bring Back Glam!]