De La Cruz Were Meant to be Heard, Not Seen

Just about a year ago, Vince wrote about a neo-hair metal band called De La Cruz, praising them as “a band that sounds so much like Def Leppard that they may as well BE the might Lep” — an assessment with which I concur.

So I was legit curious to watch the band’s new video for “Cherry Bomb,” which might be the best Warrant song Warrant never wrote (right down to the ridiculous lyrics: “Cherry Bomb baby/Got her head in the clouds and her knees on the ground”).  Having now done so, I have come to the conclusion that the band needs to Milli Vanilli it and hire some other dudes to be their public personas.

Or, at least, one other dude: ’cause it’s not the fact that band’s members dress and move like they were playing Gazzarri’s circa 1985. I’m not even bothered by the truly moronic amount of lens flare and flash flames the director utilizes. No, what actually bugs me about this clip is almost entirely the presence of vocalist Roxxi Catalano. He looks like Fred Armisen in a troll wig, and every time he moves, he gives the appearance of having muscular dystrophy. There’s this part fairly early in the video where he starts to do the Axl Rose slither dance, and my initial reaction was, “Wow, it sure was nice of this band to hire a dude who’s had a stroke as their lead singer.” Rarely would I recommend dance classes for a front man, but this is one of those times.

You should still watch the video, though, ’cause the song is catchy, and because there is the most unironically awesome slo-mo shot of drummer Lacey Lane at the 2:25 mark. Fo’ reals: