Best Music Video Ever of the Day: Tomorrows Dream, “Beated to the Ground”

Tomorrows Dream are Finnish, and English is obviously not their first language, so it’s not really fair of me to poke fun at their grammatical shortcomings. That being said, they made the effort to write a song in English, and I’m told a very high percentage of Finns speak English, so the whole “beated” thing is really not forgivable. I mean, “beated” isn’t even a word. “Beaded” is, though. Do you think the singer means that he was turned into a human necklace?

Whatever. It’s not as though a better understanding of English (or any other language for that matter) would make this band not completely fuckdiculous. Here’s a rundown of the clip:

Some douchebag (I didn’t know they have bridge and tunnel trash in Finland, but there ya go) mopes over to his girlfriend’s dorm room while the band plays some moose rock (which I also didn’t know they have in Finland). For whatever reason, his girlfriend is mad at him, and she expresses her anger by pushing him, and she’s apparently really, really strong, because she doesn’t shove him all that hard but he immediately falls down anyway. (Actually, now that I think of it, that may be a reference to the song’s title. Which makes it even more hilarious.)

Then El Douche-o goes and picks some flowers, because, like Looney Tunes and Saved by the Bell, this video takes place in a world where women will forgive anything if you simply present them with flowers. So then he goes back to his GF’s spot, only she doesn’t answer the door. Rather than attempt to find her (assuming she’s not home) and give her the flowers or leave the flowers by the door with a note (assuming she is home and just doesn’t want to speak to him), he goes outside and furiously throws them down on the pavement, because it’s their fault his girlfriend isn’t home (they called in her advance and warned her he was coming).

Then Doucheburg goes and buys a drink from a pirate and tries to text his girlfriend, although why I don’t know since he no longer has flowers to give her. In any case, his girlfriend is at home, and she’s packing. I don’t know what the text Doucherino receives after that says because I don’t speak Finnish, but I sure do hope it’s a friend telling him “I just found out your woman is going to the airport, I’m coming in a car to pick you up,” because immediately thereafter, a car drives up, the guy hops in, and they go to exactly the same place the girlfriend is going. So either that’s what the text said, or Zee Douché is a goddamn psychic, and you have to wonder why he doesn’t make his girlfriend change her mind. Ethical dilemma?

So the girlfriend gets a cab to the airport, and she beats The Great Doucheini there, even though he left first. (Was the pirate bar much further away from the airport than her apartment? He walked there, so it couldn’t have been that far, could it?) She’s greeted by some other dude who hugs her, so it’s either her brother or cousin or something, or she was cheating on Douchenstein’s Monster the whole time, or maybe DD is just a stalker, I don’t know, nothing in this video makes any sense.

Then two dudes who do not look qualified to be air traffic controllers (one of them is using binoculars, for fuck’s sake) tell the girlfriend and her new man that they can take off. Douche Douchefleck, meanwhile, renacts the ending of Argo, only from the perspective of the Iranian military, and the video ends.

What.

The.

Fucking.

Fuck.

Major thanks to Charles for sending this in!