DISPATCH FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE IN WHICH MITCH MALLOY IS THE LEAD SINGER OF VAN HALEN

In 1996, after Van Halen split with Sammy Hagar but before they hired Gary Cherone as their very-temporary-new-singer, the band also auditioned Mitch Malloy for the gig, and now a video of his audition — specifically, singing the classic “Panama” — has found its way online. According to this interview, Malloy actually got the job, but then turned it down after he saw the band’s very-brief reunion with David Lee Roth on the MTV Video Music Awards that same year. Which is to say, he quit after he was fired.

ANYWAY, if you’ve ever wondered if Van Halen could have possibly made a choice that would have been even more ill-received than Cherone, now you have your answer — absolutely they could have!

Listen:

In related news, fives, maybe even tens of twenty year olds are now Googling “Mitch Malloy.”