TEN INADVERTENTLY HILARIOUS THINGS ABOUT THE NEW FOZZY VIDEO

Fozzy have released a video for “Sandpaper,” the song they recorded with Avenged Sevenfold’s M. Shadows, who I’m guessing participated because Chris Jericho cornered him at the Revolver Awards and wouldn’t let him leave until he agreed to sing on the track.

Needless to say, the video is an embarrassment to everyone involved. Here’s why:

1. Strapping Young Lad made a way better Evil Dead 2-inspired video more than six years ago.
2. Everyone in Fozzy is wearing contact lenses to make their eyes look “spooky,” which might actually work on their audience, which I assume consists primarily of eleven year olds and rednecks. Those contact lenses disappear after less than a minute.
3. The band does not need amps or microphones to be heard over the drums being played right behind them in a very small room.
4. Chris Jericho clearly has no idea what the fuck to do with his hands since he has no mic to hold.
5. Bass player looks like he’s wearing an Ozzy Osbourne wig.
6. Guitarist looks like a skunk.
7. Other guitarist “singing” backing vocals, also with no mic.
8. M. Shadows apparently agreed to be in the video only under the condition that he not be in the same room as Fozzy. Consequently, he is standing in front of one of the world’s worst green screen shots, or sometimes appears as a very cheap looking “apparition.”
9. A very conveniently placed door just happens to be right where a zombie (or whatever the fuck it is) breaks through the wall, so that the hole can immediately be re-covered.
10. The shot of Chris Jericho flying through the woods (1:57). How was Sam Raimi able to make this look cooler twenty-five years ago with practically no budget?

In conclusion, I call bullshit on this band’s claim that they’re from Atlanta; clearly, they’re from Long Island.

-AR