CANADA STILL HASN’T FORGIVEN MORBID ANGEL FOR ILLUD DIVINUM INSANUS

Morbid Angel were denied entry into Canada over the weekend, and consequently had to cancel multiple shows in The Land of Polite People and Free Healthcare. What was unclear after initial reports was exactly why the band wasn’t allowed into the country. So we actually called the Canada Border Services Agency to see if they were willing to comment, and, to our amazement, a very nice border patrol officer, Charlie Smith, was willing to speak to us. Here’s what he had to say:

“I bet you can guess why we didn’t allow the band into the country, eh? It’s all because of that awful Marilyn Manson album they made. Y’know what I’m talking aboot. Illud whatever. That album was pretty terrible, eh? I didn’t think it was fit to serve as my dog’s washroom. Since we already have Nickelback, Celine Dion, and Blessed by a Broken Heart to contend with, we didn’t want to allow anymore of this terrible noise pollution into our great land. We actually tried to be nice about it and told the band that they could come into the country so long as they’d promise not to play any songs from that album, but they refused. Those guys are pretty stubborn, eh? Well I suppose it’s their right to say ‘no’ to our offer, but even we Canadians have limits to how polite we’re willing to be. Just because I invite you into my hoose doesn’t mean you can take a turd on the floor, eh?”

Morbid Angel have not returned multiple requests for comment.

-AR