JOHNNY PLAGUE’S GOT NARDS

Thank Christ Horace didn’t live to see this.

It’s September 11, and what better way to commemorate one of the worst tragedies in our nation’s history than with news related to Winds of Plague, who continue to evade capture despite the best efforts of Seal Team Six.

WoP “vocalist” Johnny Plague has developed a twenty-three acre haunted theme park which will take over the Hollywood Sports Park beginning at the end of this month. In a statement regarding the park, Mr. Plague says, “After 8 years of working in the Haunt industry, I have assembled what I call The Monster Squad,” presuming that nobody else has ever heard of the movie The Monster Squad. “We could easily have devoted a few of these acres to housing the homeless, but this seemed like a much more profitable idea,” he continued.

I’ve never heard of “the Haunt industry,” am not sure why the word “haunt” would be capitalized in that business (I promise you’ve never seen a press release in which, say, Jimmy Iovine refers to “the Music industry”), and don’t know why it took eight years of experience to think up the idea of locking people in a dark room while Winds of Plague plays on repeat. I will, however, grant that this is a horrifying notion, so bravo, Johnny, bravo.

You can get more details here.

-AR

[via The PRP]