METALLICA CREW MEMBERS DON’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PIE AND BRICKS

Metallica’s crew hates James Hetfield because he’s a rich meanie and because he makes them listen to songs from St. Anger and Load during the set and so they came up with a devious plan to do away with him: they were going to wait by the side of the stage until after a show in Mexico (a country where you can commit any crime you like so long as you have a few peso to pay off cops) and wait until Lars and his robe and his bodyguard were free and clear (they like Lars because he only communicates with them via a special talking parrot) and then repeatedly hit him in the face with bricks until he was dead. It was really all for the best anyway since Hetfield was turning 49 and no one really wants to be that old. They even let James’ kids in on the plan so they could extract revenge for years of terrible parenting and they let Kirk in on it too so he could get back at James for calling him “Kurt” from 1982 until last month.

But I guess the Metallica crew is retarded or something because they accidentally ordered a bunch of pies instead of bricks. They were able to pass the whole thing off as a “birthday prank” but us smarties know the real truth. JAMES RUN! YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER!!!!! (Start at 16:31)

-JR

[via Metal Injection]