NICK OLIVERI HAS A GOOD LAWYER

Last summer, former Queens of the Stone Age/Kyuss bassist Nick Oliveri got into a four-hour long standoff with an LAPD SWAT team after he took his girlfriend hostage, and when the cops finally managed to get him to surrender, they found coke, meth, and a loaded rifle in his apartment. But Oliveri pled “not guilty,” claiming the whole thing was just a big misunderstanding, which seemed pretty nutty given the extreme circumstances — I mean, it’s not like he messed up his friend’s lunch order, he had a goddamn SWAT team outside his home for hours and hours.

Lucky for Oliveri, then, he lives in Los Angeles, where only one celebrity every ten years is actually held accountable for his crimes. And so he’s now cut a deal whereby he has “agreed to plead to one count of possession of cocaine and a dismissal of the remaining SIX felony counts,” according to his attorney, Freddy Sayegh. He will also complete fifty-two weeks of anger management and two-hundred hours of community service (which could amount to a “Don’t Do Drugs!” television commercial or something), and apparently, if he stays clean for the entirety of his probation, the entire case will be expunged from his record.

All of which is pretty fucking amazing. I got a harsher punishment for missing my curfew in high school, y’know?

When asked what he would do to celebrate, Mr. Oliveri told MetalSucks, “I’m gonna go rob Disneyland!” as he wrapped his arm around a fourteen year old girl, fired his gun into the air three times, took a long swig of moonshine, rode off in a car with no license plates and a broken tail light, and immediately ran a red light.

-AR

[via Metal Insider]