DAVE MUSTAINE 4 PREZ

It’s been a minute since Dave Mustaine has said anything wildly idiotic, but luckily for comedy fans everywhere, he gave an interview to conspiracy theorist Alex Jones recently in which he once again voiced his political opinions, no matter how nonsensical those opinions may be. Here are some choice quotes, courtesy of Noisecreep:

• “See, the thing that I laugh about when I hear Obama say, ‘Give the folks a chance.’ Give everybody a chance. Take away from the rich people.’ Well, what happens when the folks that he’s giving a chance gets a chance, becomes successful, is rich. Well, then all of a sudden, you’re Obama’s enemy now.”
• “I’m disgusted with this guy. He’s my president, I respect the office of the presidency, but I think as a person and the things that he says, I’ve never heard anything this offensive ever come out of the mouth of a president. And I’m 50 — I’ve heard a lot of presidents talk in my life.”
• “Why hasn’t somebody moved to impeach this man? With all of the proof about his birth certificate being fake. And you see the signs in Kenya that say ‘the birthplace of Barack Obama.’ Hello?! C’mon, guys. How stupid are we right now? I guess the best revenge is when you look back in history at what Michelle [Obama] wore at his inauguration and she had a black dress on with two red triangles, so she looked like a black widow turned upside down. So there’s gotta be some symbology there. You just don’t wear something like that to some event like that without there being some kind of future message being told.”

Everyone is obviously entitled to his own opinion and political beliefs, but Mustaine’s assertions are so incredibly stupid that it’s hard to figure out how to even begin to refute them. But oh hey fuck it, let’s give it a shot:

• The rich are not Obama’s “enemy,” but even if they were, Mustaine is basically implying that the poor should remain poor lest they be caught in a vicious cycle whereby the consequences would be…. what, exactly? Is Obama executing the rich in droves or something? Don’t you think some poor dude who is struggling to pay his bills and take care of his family would rather have some extra money and a new “enemy” than be in the situation in which he currently finds himself? Even if we take Mustaine at his word, this statement makes no fucking sense.
• Richard Nixon once said “There are times when an abortion is necessary… [like] When you have a black and a white.” Please show me a quote that offensive, I’m begging you.
• There is no proof that his birth certificate is fake because it is not fake. Having signs in Kenya that say “The Birthplace of Barack Obama” is not proof. I mean, I could put up a sign outside my apartment that says “The Birthplace of Dave Mustaine,” but you weren’t born in my apartment, Dave, or even in the same state as my apartment. There’s no law of nature that says you can’t make signs with untrue statements on them. It’s not as though my computer would refuse to print lies, or my hand would cramp up up every time I tried to write something I know to be erroneous. Look, I can type DAVE MUSTAINE IS BALD right now, no problem, despite the fact that you have a full head of hair. So this argument holds no water whatsoever.
• Here’s a picture of a black widow spider and here’s a picture of the dress to which Dave is referring, in case you’re curious. I guess they do look kind of similar. So, clearly, Dave’s argument is sound  — Michelle Obama is not only evil, but she wanted to broadcast that evil to the world, albeit in a subtle way that would be noticed by very few people. Why would she do such a thing? I don’t know, how dare you introduce logic into this conversation.

Again, this isn’t about the fact that Mustaine leans to the right and I lean to the left — this is about the fact that Dave Mustaine is a nitwit who says outrageously dumb things. I mean, who the fuck does he think he is, Michelle Bachmann?

-AR