SCHMUCK TAKES METALLICA’S “JUMP IN THE FIRE” TOO LITERALLY, JUMPS IN FIRE

I should probably be more sensitive about this, but WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT. From Metal Underground:

“Singer White Willie Sniffsum of Canada’s ultimate party band Cocaine Moustache seemed to have partied a little to hard on Friday the 13th during The Columbia Valley Music Festival. Willie’s intoxication led him to jump into a bon fire after listening to Metallica’s classic ‘Jump In The Fire.’… he suffered 2nd and 3rd degree burns [pictured above] and spent most of the next day in the hospital.”

In Sniffsum’s defense, he is a Canadian coke head who goes by the name “Sniffsum,” so this is news is less shocking than if, say, he’d won a MacArthur Genius Grant. But his friends should probably keep him away Cannibal Corpse’s “Fucked with a Knife,” lest he kill some poor woman.

Make jokes about other metal songs this putz could take too literally in the comments section below.

-AR