MANOWAR ARE MAKING A MOVIE WITH JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME

Everyone’s all excited about this Batman movie that’s about to open but Chris Nolan can blow it out his ass because THIS: Manowar’s Joey DeMayonnaise is writing the score for a new movie starring The Muscles from Brussels, Jean-Claude Van Damme. AND it’s gonna have Manowar songs in it!!!! My penis just exploded and I bet yours did too.

The movie is called Soldiers but it used to be called The Eagle Path and I guess they changed it because who the fuck knows what an eagle path is especially since eagles don’t even walk but you hear the name Soldiers and see Van Damme on the poster and just PENIS EXPLOSION. IMDB also lies and says the music is being done by same guy named Traithep Wongpaiboon but come on that is OBVIOUSLY a fake name created so people wouldn’t get so excited about Joey DeMayonnaise’s involvement. I bet it’s even one of those cool things where if you rearrange the letters of the fake name it spells the guy’s real name.

Soldiers will open next year. I am setting up a tent outside the theater now! Also in my pants.

-JR