STEVEN TYLER QUIT AMERICAN IDOL

At this point in history, I don’t really know how anyone can take Steven Tyler seriously — in the 80s and early 90s, he was a lovable caricature, but now he’s a drunken napkin sketch you don’t even remember making and sticking in your pocket. And you’d think that quitting his gig as a judge on American Idol would help remedy that problem, but no, Tyler somehow found a way to make even that sound toolish:

“After some long… hard… thoughts… I’ve decided it’s time for me to let go of my mistress American Idol before she boils my rabbit. I strayed from my first love, Aerosmith, and I’m back — but instead of begging on my hands and knees, I’ve got two fists in the air and I’m kicking the door open with my band.”

This metaphor makes no sense. Tyler is basically saying, “I cheated on my wife with this evil blonde dude looks like a lady, only she’s not so evil that she’ll kill my kid’s bunny if I leave her, and also I refuse to ask my wife to forgive me, I’m just going to scream like an insane person with my wife at my side.” I mean, can someone please confirm that Tyler isn’t sober? ‘Cause if he’s fucked up, I understand him thinking this was an appropriate manner by which to announce his ankling the show. But if he’s dead sober, well, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo!

-AR

[via WWTDD]