BLACK METAL BRUNCH: DREX GETS AN INTERN
MY PRESENCE IS RADIANT AS THE CROWN ON THE PHALLUS OF DARKEST MAGNIFICENCE. I PROJECT ADAMANTINE SOLIDITY AND VIOLENT MALICE, LIKE #JOHNWAYNE WEARING BOOTS MADE OUT OF HIS PET DOG AFTER THE #POOROLDGIRL REFUSED TO FETCH #THEDUKE HIS 6TH PACK OF DAILY NICOTINE INTAKE VECTORS. #RIP. #RUFF.
I JIGGLE THE EARTH WITH MY WARRIOR MAGNETISM. I THROW ALL NATURAL CYCLES INTO DISARRAY, BE THEY #TIDAL, #METEOROLOGICAL OR #URLADY’S. WHEN I AM MOODED APPROPRIATELY, I TICKLE YOUR NOSE’S PLEASURE HAIRS WITH THE SULFURIC TANG OF MY ABOMINABLE MUSK, AND ASK YOUR MOTHER WHAT IS FOR DINNER, EVEN THOUGH I LACK THE LEASTEST INTENTION OF STAYING. #HAVEOTHERPLANS! #WHOOPS! HA! #INFERIORLASAGNA. #LEAVEOLDLADYLONGINGLONGER. HAHA!
WHETHER I AM WALKING MY SNAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEWAY (#NOTAEUPHEMISM!), OR ROOTING THROUGH YOUR MOTHER’S TRASHCAN (#POTENTIALLYAEUPHEMISM!) FOR #FOODNUGGLETS AND #INDISCRETIONRELICS, #PEOPLE; #MEN #WOMEN
#CHILDREN #STRAYCATS #HERPETICLESIONS, #ANIMATRONICSEXDOLLS, #FLESHEATINGBACTERIA #ETC. STOP AND STARE #DUMBFUDDLED. THEY PLEAD WITH ME AS SUCH:
{THE PLEADER} “DREXOPHILIOUS, I WANT TO BE A PART OF YOU. SUPERHARD. I WOULD SAW OFF MY LEG AND THROW IT IN YOUR BACKPACK WHILE YOU HEAD TO #SHREDPRACTICE JUST TO SAY I WALKED ONE STEP WITH YOU.” [[POTENTIALITE BARES NECK, AND HOWLS WRETCHEDLY, THE LAST MOURNFUL CONSOLATION OF THE HELPLESS]]
{THE SUPERIOR REPLIER} “THAT WILL NOT BE NECESSARY #POTENTIALITE. NOW KNEEL BEFORE ME” [[AN IMMEDIATE AND OBEDIENT GENUFLECTION]]
“LET ME SEE YOUR GUMS, AND BE QUICK WITH IT! “[[FILTH CRUSTED WARRIOR HANDS BEGIN MAPPING A FOREIGN MOUTH WITH GOOGLIC THOROUGHNESS]] “HMMMUH-MUH-MUH-MUH. HMMMY-HMMM-HMMM-DIDDLY. FIRM YET COMPLIANT ORTHODONTURE….#YES[[THE CRUSTY HANDS NOW TRACE THE NOSE AND SEARCH FOR A #TRUENORWEGIAN #TEMPOROMANDIBULAR REGION]]AND…WHAT HERE?… PRIDEFUL PHYSIOGNOMATICS!…#EXCEPTIONAL…ARISE! IF YOU BELIEVE YOURSELF WORTHY, DROP YOUR CV IN MY INBOX [[email protected]], AND WE SHALL SET IN MOTION THE DARK RITUAL OF UNDERGRADUATE BUREAUCRATICS, FOR I AM IN NEED OF AN INTERN. COLLEGE CREDIT ONLY.”[[LIGHTNING STRIKES, AND A LIFELESS PIEDGEON LUMP CRASHES ON CONCRETE]]
EVERY #TR00NORWEGIANWARRIOR DESERVES AN INTERN.
THE EXPLOITATION ECONOMY DEMANDS EACH OF US TO #EXPLOIT OR BE #EXPLOITED. THIS IS TRUE ALTHOUGH, IN REALISTICS, EXPLOITATION IS MORE OF A #SPECTRUM, AND THE VAST MAJORIS OF PERSONS END UP BOTH EXPLOITING AND BEING EXPLOITED TO SOME DEGREE. YET BE ON GUARD! IRREGARDLESS OF SUCH VAGUERIES, THE WARRIOR/INTERN RELATIONSHIP IS NO PLACE FOR NUANCE.
#BRUTALINTERNFAQ
Q: WHAT ARE THE APPROPRIATE DUTIES OF A WARRIOR’S INTERN?
A: INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO #SKULLPOLISHING, #PHOTOSHOP, #LIGHTADMINISTRATIVETASKS, #DUNGEONARRANGING, #GUITARSTRINGING, #MEATGATHERING, #LIGHTTRASHFORAGING, #SACREDRITEOFCOFFEEBREWING, #SNAKEENTERTAINING (#NOTAEUPHEMISM!), #ALLEGIANCETOMYWORDREGARDLESSOFCONSEQUENCE.
Q: WHAT ARE THE APPROPRIATE QUALIFICATIONS FOR A WARRIOR’S INTERN?
A: IMPRESSIVE VERBAL AND QUANTITATIVE REASONING SKILLS. STRONG BACK. FIRM REFERENCES. TAUGHT HAUNCHES. LOVE OF PAIN. HATRED FOR GOD. PRIORITY GIVEN TO #IVYLEAGUE AND #ELITELIBERALARTS ATTENDEES, AND BASSISTS WHO KNOW HOW TO #TAKEFUCKINGORDERS, SIT LOW IN THE MIX, AND STOP NOODLING LIKE #JACOPASTORIUS IN A #SPAGHETTIFACTORY. A PERSONAL STATEMENT OF 3,000 WORDS IS DEMANDED WITH PREFERENCE GIVEN TO THOSE WRITTEN IN AN APPLICANT’S OWN BLOOD, AND MAJOR PREFERENCE TO THOSE WRITTEN IN BLOOD PROCURED ELSEWISE. #NOSQUARES.
Q: WHAT IF THE INTERN BECOMES TOO ATTACHED?
THE INTERN WILL BECOME TOO ATTACHED. I HARNESS AN AURA WITH MOONS OF #RAPACIOUS #MEGALUBRICATED #FUCKFORCE AND #DICKLESS #MONASTICINDIFFERENCE ORBITING ME IN EQUIPOSE. IT IS SUCH THAT BOTH #INFERIORS AND COMPATRIOTS IN THE DISMANTLING OF THE #CHRISTLICKERS’ POOPAL EDIFICE WILL BECOME ENRAPTURED BY MY WILES. AN INTERN STANDS NO CHANCE. FORTUNATELY, AN INTERN IS NOT A PERSON. WOULD YOU SAY A SNICKERS® LEFT ON THE DASHBOARD ON A SUNNY DAY WAS BECOMING TOO “ATTACHED”? #THOUGHTEXPERIMENT. PERHAPS, BUT THEN YOU WOULD LIBERATE THAT SNICKERLY SATISFACTION AND CONSUME FOR NUTRIMENT. THE WRAPPER IS DISCARDED. SUCH WITH INTERNS.
Q: WHAT ARE THE HOURS AND REMUNERATION FOR THIS INTERNSHIP?
A: AS LONG AS I WANT, AND AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.
Q: I AM INTUITING A MYSTIC CONUNDRUM INHERENT IN THIS ARRANGEMENT. AM I CORRECT TO DO SO?
A: INDEED, ARE YOU REFERRING TO AN INEQUALITY?
Q: WELL THAT IS AN INHERENCE, SO NO.
A: ARE YOU REFERRING TO THE COMPARATIVE DREAMSPACES OF THE WARRIOR AND INTERN?
Q: NOT PARTICULARLY.
A: THEN WHAT? AND THINK IT FASTLY, FOR INFREQUENTLY DO I ASK PEOPLE TO WASTE MY PRECIOUS WARRIOR’S TIME.
Q: THE INFERIOR’S PARADOX.
A: AHH YES. PARADOX INDEED. FOR FIRST THE #MOSTPERFECTINTERN WILL BE STRONG AND CAPABLE AS A MIGHTY WARRIOR, PUNCHING IN THE CHEST CAVITY OF THEOCRATIC CRUSADERS WITH VIGOR AND DISDAIN. BUT SECOND, THE #MOSTPERFECTINTERN MUST BE PLIANT AS THE INFERIOR, FOLLOWING THE ORDERS OF A MCDONALDS® AUTOMOTON, OR NEW AGE THEOCRAT, CHASING DOGMAS LIKE THEY WERE LEAVES SCATTERING IN AUTUMN’S BREATH. INDEED THEY ARE OPPOSED.
Q: IS THAT THEN A WARRIOR’S PROBLEM? IS THERE A PRICE, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER?
A: WHEN MY INTERN IS WASHING MEAT CHUNKS OUT OF MY DUNGEON WITH A HOSE AT 4AM, WITNESS TO THE FETID GORE SLODGING UP MY PREHISTORIC PIPEWORKS, WITH NO HOPE OF #FUTUREEMPLOYMENT, NO OVER TIME, AND #NOESCAPE, IT’S HARD TO SAY THAT I AM THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. AN INTERN IS TRIUMPH INCARNATE, PROOF THE PRICE OF YOUR OWN COMPANY IS ONE YOU NEVER HAVE TO PAY.
Q: VERILY IT IS SO.
LET ME SEE YOUR GUMS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXm4cZ_mTE8&feature=player_embedded
-DV
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