BLACK METAL BRUNCH: WORK IS THE PLACE WHERE DREAMS GO TO DIE

WORK IS THE PLACE WHERE THE DREAMS GO TO DIE. IT IS THE SPIRIT’S #CHARNELHOUSE, SLITTING CLEAN OFF THE EARS OF #HOPE, AND GRINDING THEM INTO A CHUNKY CARTILAGENOUS PASTE FOR #SLIMJIMS AND #INDUSTRIALLUBRICANTS. THE TOILLETTE PAPER IN ITS PALTRY #EXCRETIONCHAMBERS IS #SINGLEPLY. AND WHEN YOU TRUDGE THROUGH ITS HALLS, THE #STIFLED CRIES OF #SUFFERING CONDENSE INTO FIST SIZE INSECTOIDS REARRANGING THEMSELVES INTO THE OPENING LINES OF A RESIGNATION LETTER NEVER TO BE SENT. TO WHOM MAY IT CONCERN? ALL OF US.

IN THE #HOUSEOFWORK THERE IS A SMALL ROOM WITH A LIGHT HANGING OVER A TABLE. ARRANGED IN A ROW ON IT ARE A PLASTIC BOX OF DENTAL FLOSS, A LIGHTER, AND A HAMMER. A PORCINE MAN WITH #SWAMPBIOME PITSTAINS AND A #COWBOYYANKEE TALK MANNER EMERGES FROM CORNER AND ASKS YOU TO “PICK YER POYZUHN.” YOU POINT YOUR TREMBLING FINGER AT THE DENTAL FLOSS, FOR THERE IS NO #SHAME IN ENLISTING TO FIGHT IN THE HOLY WAR AGAINST #GINGIVITIS, AND THEN HE NODS, PICKS UP THE HAMMER FROM THE TABLE, AND PUMMELS YOUR #WARRIORPUDENDALS AND CALLS YOU “MAH SISSEE GUHRRL” UNTIL YOUR DIGNITY IS COMPRESSED AND EXCRETED IN A BALL FROM YOUR #NOSTRIL OR ONE OF YOUR #EAROFICES. HE TAKES THIS SLICK MARBLE OF REFORMULATED SELF WORTH, ROLLS IT AROUND IN HIS HAND, PUTS IT IN HIS POCKET, AND STARTS #WHISSULINDIXIES. HE LEAVES WHILE YOU LIE IN A PUDDLE ON THE GROUND. LIKE A DOG.  “I’LL SEEEUHHH YOUU TAHMAHHRROW, HU-YUCK, HU-YUCK, HU-YUCK,” HE SAYS “AND THE #TUHMARRA AND #TUHMARRAR AND #TOOMURRAH AND #TIMORRSTO AFTER. #FAHREVERS.” #SISYPHUS #SISYFUN #CAMUULTOED.

SUCH WAS THE OLD WORK ECONOMY COMPACT. A FAT #YANKEECOWBOY SPIKES YOUR TESTICLEASE AND EXTRACTS YOUR DIGNITY EVERY DAY. IN EXCHANGE, YOU HAVE TIME TO STEW AT HOME, TAKE RAGE OUT ON #NUCLEUSFAM, MAYBE EAT #MAYONNAISE COMPULSIVELY, GRAB #BREWSKIES WITH #THEGUYS AT LOCAL #INFERIOR #PATHETICWORKERSADNESSTAVERN. MAYBE YOU CAN BUY SMALL SHACK PLOT AND BE ALLOWED TO SEE A DOCTOR SOME TIMES OR OTHER FROM #SWEDISHSOCIALISTICS HEALTHCARE. (#IKEAKARE)

NOT SO IN #NUWORK ECONOMY COMPACT. TODAY IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO HAVE YOUR GENITALIA SPIKED ON THE REG BY PIGGY PORK SOUTHERN AMERICAN. TODAY WORK REQUIRES YOU TO BE #CROTCHKICKED AND DIGNITY STRIPPED, AND THEN TELL SOUTHERNER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE IT.

I DO #FREELANCEGRAPHICDESIGN WORK FOR “FRIEND” IN MANHATTAN WHO WORK FOR #NUMEDIASTARTUP. HIS WOE IS PURE AND PALPABLE, LIKE THE UNANSWERED PRAYERS OF TRUE BELIEVING CHILD. HE SAYS:

“NOT JUST DOING THIS FOR MONIE$ BRO. I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS. I AM SO PASSIONATE I WILLING EXTINGUISH THE LAST FLAMES OF MY YOUTH IN FRONT OF AN #EXCEL® SPREADSHEET. FOR THIS. THING. WE HAVE SMARTEST PEOPLE ON THIS, SMARTEST CODERS. THESE GUYS GET #MADHARD FROM #EVILDIFFICULT SUDOKU, AND #MENSAQUIZPUZZLES. WE ARE JUST ROOM OF SMARTEST GUYS DOING SMART GUY STUFF. #HI5. LIVING BIG CITY DREAMS. EVERY DAY EXCITED. EVERY DAY A GIFT. I AM SO FORTUNATE TO HAVE FOUND MY TRUE LABOR CALLING, BUT I MUST ALSO RESTATE THAT I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS, THIS WORK IS MY LOVE, I AM OBSESSED. WANNA PASSIONATELY SNEAK UP ON #WORKLOVE WHEN IT IS TEENAGER HAVING DINNER WITH PARENTS, JUST PEAK IN WINDOW, SMASH WITH FIST, TAKE MY #WORKLOVE AT KNIFEPOINT. HEAD TO DRAINAGE DITCH AND SKIN #WORKLOVE ALIVE, MAKE #WORKLOVE #FLESHCAPE SO WE CAN BE ONE FOREVER. HA! I AM  #PSYCHOPATHICALLY ATTACHED TO THIS #WORKLOVE. I WANNA CUT #WORKLOVE INTO MY ARM WITH A RUSTY SPORK. I AM TUMESCENT JUST TALKING ABOUT IT! HA! I THINK IT WAS #STEVEJOBS WHO SAID, IF YOUR #WORKLOVE IS NOT GIVING YOU ERECTIONS ON AN HOURLY BASIS, YOU NEED TO CHANGE SOMETHING BRO. CHANGE BIGTIME. #TSUNAMI #2012 #GENDERREASSIGNTMENT CHANGE. IT’S COOL THOUGH, LARGE POTENTIAL MARKET, OUR MESSAGING IS TIGHTER THAN #FISHVAGINA. I LOVE WORK BUT ALSO GOTTA KNOW WHEN TO KICKBACK. #WORKHARDPLAYHARD. CONSUME CULTURE AT #INDIEROCK CONCERT AND FESTIVALS. LIVING LIFE. LOVINGWORK.” INFERIORNUWORKPARADIGMATICEXEMPLAR

I YEARN TO BURN DOWN THIS HOUSE OF WORK. BUT IT IS MY NECESSARY SHELTER. I WANT TO COLLECT MY #HATE AND SPREAD IT ON ITS WALLS, BUT IT NEVER STICKS. I WANT TO RIDE ON A BLACK STEED WITH A BROAD SWORD, BUT THE HOUSE OF WORK HAS NO STABLE.  I WANT TO CREATE A FLOOD THAT WILL CARRY ME TO #PUREVOID BY CLOGGING TOIL’S TOILET, BUT IT JUST MAKES DISMAL EXISTENCE ONLY MORE WOEFUL FOR THE #EVERSUFFERING JANITOR, AND DELIVERS THE #SHITTINESS OF WORK WELL BEYOND THE REALM OF METAPHOR. WE WORK, AND THEN WE DIE. THAT IS THE ORDER OF THINGS.

-DV

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