GOD IS A STUPID REDNECK: SECRET SERVICE LETS TED NUGENT OFF THE HOOK

Good news, everyone! Ted Nugent is free to continue to make classy albums like this one.

Following Ted Nugent’s incredibly stupid comments about assassinating President Barack Obama last weekend, word got out that the Secret Service was investigating hard rock’s most overrated guitar player, and I actually got my hopes up that The Nuge might suffer consequences for his idiotic actions for a change.

But I guess Ted throws a pretty good barbecue, ’cause apparently the Secret Service has cleared him. From Classic Rock:

But after chatting to the Motor City Madman in Ardmore, Oklahoma – where he was due to play a gig – a spokesman for the government agency said that no further action would be taken.

For his part, Uncle Ted had this to say: “I met with two fine, professional Secret Service agents. Good, solid, professional meeting concluding that I have never made any threats of violence towards anyone.

“The meeting could not have gone better. I thanked them for their service, we shook hands and went about our business. God bless the good federal agents wherever they may be.”

In all fairness, I don’t think anyone ever really thought that Ted Nugent was gonna try to kill the President. To do that, you’d have to have big balls and a loose screw, and Ted only has one of those things (hint: it’s not the balls).

-AR