BREAKING: AUTO-TUNE TERRORISTS ATTACK INOFFENSIVE SWEDECORE SONG

Demon Hunter’s Ryan Clark and a fan mourned the loss of a potentially decent song

SEATTLE, Washington — Officials scrambled Monday to understand why an extremist Auto-Tune terrorist massacred “My Destiny,” an inoffensive Swedecore song by the band Demon Hunter. The devastating, unexplained attack deepened the sense that the youth of today do not place any value on actual singing ability, so long as the music sounds more or less okay as a 128 kbps mp3 on their portable listening device.

The attack began approximately fifty-four seconds into the song, officials said. “It was just… haunting, nightmarish,” metal blogger Axl Rosenberg said following the attacks. “We were sitting there, listening to the song, thinking we might actually have something nice to say about this band for a change. And then… it just came out of nowhere…” Rosenberg’s voice trailed off and he excused himself as he began to weep.

Still, fans on the band’s Facebook page maintained a sunny disposition, almost as though they were completely unaware of the massacre. ” You guys are true talented magicians,” one fan gushed, possibly confusing the meaning of the word “magician” with that of the word “engineer.” Said another, “You guys are sure outdoing yourselves,” although some hypothesized that the message was actually directed at Antares Audio Technologies, the makers of Auto-Tune.

Despite rumors that the organization known as Al-Labonte is responsible for the onslaught, and that it may have even been an inside job by the band members themselves, authorities declined to comment until further evidence had been gathered. They did confirm that no known terrorist cells have taken credit for the offensive as of yet.

More details are expected to surface in advance of April 10, when Demon Hunter’s new album, True Defiance, is released via Solid State Records.