“MY NAME IS SVENDORRIAN. BLACK NORTHERN REIGN IS A ONE-MAN BLACK METAL BAND COMPRISING OF ME, SVENDORRIAN.”

This according to Svendorrian’s manifesto video (below), in which not only does the, uh, musician introduce himself twice in about three seconds, but also gloats that his “CDs are colored black on both sides” and advises listeners to “Relax, turn the volume up, close your eyes, and let Black Northern Reign take you away, to a deeper, more focused state of reality.” Did I mention he does all of this with the public speaking skills of an aspergeric second grader?

As good as the intro vid is, though, it’s nothing compared to Svendorrian’s music video for Black Northern Reign. Apparently “a deeper, more focused state of reality” means a black metal Halloween costume from Ricky’s and a lot of crab walking (do a shot every time he moves side to side and you will be plastered in no time) while the absolute worst garbage imaginable plays:

I guess, in Svendorrian’s defense, he really upped the production values for his next music video, shooting himself down by a river, picking his nose, or otherwise just kinda wandering around.

But he really nailed it with his third clip, in which there’s a lot more editing (like close-ups of his magic hands while they do their thing!) and he allows himself to show off his acting chops, alternately looking into the camera and smiling as he crosses his arms, or otherwise sneering and looking cranky.

Move over, Yog Sogolgoth, Black Northern Reign is here!

-AR

Thanks to Saul Hudson for the tip!